’Twas the Night Before Week One (Written last Wednesday as Labor day weekend is akin to Christmas morning for me!)
’Twas the night before Week One, and all through the land,
The beer was on ice, the tickets in hand.
The grills were all scrubbed, the koozies were near,
For the holiest season—college football’s here.
With Tubby the loyal wingman, my road dog, my bro,
We’re off chasing kickoffs wherever they go.
Bowling Green Thursday—Falcons take flight,
MACtion at last on a humid Midwest night.
Friday in Champaign, the tailgates will spin,
This time the Illini should actually win.
With Bill Murray and Rodney, we’ll swagger and strut,
When you’re Caddyshack legends, the coeds go nuts.
Then Saturday morning, it’s Gameday’s last ride,
Corso’s farewell—bring a tissue (or hide).
One final headgear, one last silly roar,
He’s carried that show since before half you were born.
By afternoon kickoff, the schedule is stacked,
Buckeyes vs. Longhorns—some bar gets our cash.
We’ll scream at the TV like lunatics do,
While Tubby keeps asking, “Another round, too?”
Then Saturday night, it is Carbondale’s turn,
Where Salukis bark loud and the tailgates all burn.
It’s small-town, it’s rowdy, it’s football done right,
And we’ll stumble on home sometime deep in the night.
So bring on the chaos, the beer, and the fight,
Happy Week One to all—and to all a buzzed night!
Aside from the preemptive poem of my annual Labor Day trifecta with my college buddy Tubby, here are a few additional tidbits from each game we attended:
Bowling Green: Former Ohio State and NFL legend Eddie George made his debut as the Falcons’ head coach, and fans seemed fired up about it. Bowling Green—unknown to me before—also boasts the largest marching band in the country, with more than 500 members. This might be debated by some of the bigger SEC or Big Ten schools, but they were massive, and it was an impressive sight for a smaller program.
Illinois: For the first time in ages, the Illini entered their opener ranked No. 12. The crowd was near (if not at) capacity, and the atmosphere was raucous through the first half before the game turned into a blowout. Our crew also held its annual costume party, dressing up as Bill Murray and Rodney Dangerfield from Caddyshack.
The house that Red Grange built 
"I don't think the heavy stuff is coming down for a while" Southern Illinois: At our tailgate in Carbondale, we got “undercover bossed” by none other than the Chancellor of SIU, who chatted with us for five minutes before we realized who he was. We ended up getting a picture with him and the group tailgating next to us.
Undercover Boss on the left. Cousin Eddy's RVeeeeee on the lower right.
Big Games Around the Country
Ohio State vs. Texas: The Longhorns fell in a close one at the Shoe. All eyes were on young Arch Manning, but he didn’t live up to the pressure this time.
Alabama vs. Florida State: The Tide traveled to Tallahassee and were physically outplayed by the Noles, who had much to prove after last year’s disastrous season. Tide faithful are already praying for Saban’s return.
LSU vs. Clemson: In the Tiger battle, the Bayou Bengals went to the other Death Valley and knocked off a good Clemson team under the lights.
Notre Dame vs. Miami: Sunday night’s marquee matchup saw the Hurricanes edge out the Irish in another round of Catholics vs. Convicts.
UNC vs. TCU: Bill Belichick’s collegiate debut on Monday night did not go well, as the Tar Heels were thoroughly outplayed and outcoached by a solid Horned Frogs squad. Those two teams will meet again next year in Dublin, Ireland.
This Week’s Bieber Award
This week’s Bieber actually comes from the prior weekend. UC Davis and Mercer met in Montgomery, AL, for a neutral-site game. With just over seven minutes left in the 4th quarter, UC Davis led by six when a lightning delay was called. Per protocol, each strike within a certain radius restarts a 30-minute delay. After countless stoppages, someone in their infinite wisdom declared the game a no contest.
To my knowledge, this is unprecedented. Why not resume the next day and let the reserves finish out the final seven minutes? Canceling a game that could matter down the line seems like the wrong call. Whoever made that decision—please contact me so I can send you this week’s Bieber hardware.
This Week’s Ginger Award
After 38 years, the great Lee Corso (Mel Brooks’s doppelgänger) has decided to hang up his microphone and retire from his seat on the set of College GameDay. Lee was part of the original cast when GameDay launched as a one-hour, in-studio pregame show. He was the only remaining founding member still with the program through last season.
College GameDay has become a fixture of American sports culture, thanks in large part to Corso. He forever changed the game with his weekly headgear picks, his famous catchphrase—“Not so fast, my friend!”—and his unmatched likability.
Just as Three and a Half Men was never the same after Charlie Sheen left, and The Office changed after Steve Carell’s exit, GameDay will never be quite the same without Coach Corso.
Coach, thank you for giving Saturday mornings meaning and purpose for college football junkies like myself. For that, you’ve earned the Week One Ginger Bad Ass Award.
Mel and Lee!
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