2012 Season Primer

Welcome back loyal Tailgaters! Hope everyone had as eventful an off season as Mitt and Barry, and Joe and Paul, or not. I settled back in to my globetrotting routine with no football to be watched but new brews, chews and tailgate games were sampled. I even visited a few dormant stadiums. I have some new good ideas for this fall’s menu and activities. Santa even brought me a beer pong table that has been tested out effectively.

With all the controversy, Sadness and Scandal that dominated the offseason, one profound event stands atop all others in the eyes of true Tailgaters. No it was not Bobby Petrino’s Sleazy Rider impersonation, or the untimely death of ex Mountaineer Coach Bill Stewart, not the 4 team playoff announcement, or dozens of players running up local tax dollars via incarceration caused by insipid moronocy (Is that a word?), nor was it the travesty that is conference realignment, nope, not even the continual sinking ships of the U and THEEEEE Ohio State University, wasn’t even the coaching carousel that hit an all time high this off season (see below), one might think that Honey Badger should have cared more, but that is not it. You probably have guessed what I am going to mention. It is so disturbing that it is very hard and emotional to get these words out but it was so life altering I now no longer have a reason to rise at 6 AM Pacific and watch ESPN College Gameday. You guessed right, Erin Andrews has left ESPN for greener pastures over on Fox Sports, aptly named now if I must say so. There has never been such a woman who has combined knowledge of the game, interview skills, personality, gravitas and oh yeah and she's not too hard on the eyes. Sorry Lee and Kirk, you two cowboys just don’t cut it for me without EA. I hope you all didn’t think I was going to mention something else? I may go back to watching Scooby Doo on Saturday mornings or and eating my count chocula 13 grain cereal.

2011-12 FBS head coaching changes


           Out                 IN
Akron Rob Ianello Terry Bowden

Arizona Mike Stoops Rich Rodriguez

Arizona State Dennis Erickson Todd Graham

Arkansas State Hugh Freeze Gus Malzahn

Colorado State Steve Fairchild Jim McElwain

Florida Atlantic Howard Schnellenberger Carl Pelini

Fresno State Pat Hill Tim DeRuyter

Hawaii Greg McMackin Norm Chow

Houston Kevin Sumlin Tony Levine

Illinois Ron Zook Tim Beckman

Kansas Turner Gill Charlie Weis

Memphis Larry Porter Justin Fuente

New Mexico Mike Locksley Bob Davie

North Carolina Everett Withers Larry Fedora

Ohio State Luke Fickell Urban Meyer

Ole Miss Houston Nutt Hugh Freeze

Penn State Joe Paterno Bill O'Brien

Pittsburgh Todd Graham Paul Chryst

Rutgers Greg Schiano Kyle Flood

Southern Miss Larry Fedora Ellis Johnson

Texas A&M Mike Sherman Kevin Sumlin

Toledo Tim Beckman Matt Campbell

Tulane Bob Toledo Curtis Johnson

UAB Neil Callaway Garrick McGee

UCLA Rick Neuheisel Jim L. Mora

Washington State Paul Wulff Mike Leach

Last season had so many twists and turns that we can’t possibly cover them now. Let’s focus on the upcoming season: Will the SEC continue to dominate or do we see traditional power schools like SC, ND, Michigan or a new dark horse rise from the ashes and snatch the crystal? Who will the early season Heisman contenders be? Who will be the next Luck or RG III? What new Frosh will be the next Herschel, Marcus or Bo? What schools will violate more rules and wind up on the wrong side of Sheriff Joe Arpaio? How long will Uncle Jerry the sand man last in State Penn before he becomes the object of Bubba’s desire? What coaches will find their booster butts on the hot seat? Too much intrigue for me to think about. Most importantly, who will find themselves in the tailgate fishbowl? In years past we had Cheaty Carroll, Lame Kiffin, Mark May, Craig James, Front Butt Weiss, Scam Newton, Nontaze Burfict, Rich Rod, Slimedusky and many more. Can’t wait for the first podiatry - orthodontia combination to come out of some scholar athlete or coaches pie hole. We have also had heroes like Big Smoe, Dupree, Carl from Caddyshack and many more. Will we get a new hero this year?

Okay, so here is what I need this year from my longtime loyal followers: Please send my blog out to all your friends. I want to hit over 1,000 weekly readers this year. Post my link on Facebook or Twitter. Vote on the weekly polls, send me good tailgate pictures and stories, make 1 comment a week at a minimum under my by line, we need more opinion and smack. Send me your tailgate menus, games and traditions. Click on the ad’s each time you go to the website, also click on the amazon.com link from my site if you buy from there. If your company wants to advertise on here, let me know. I plan on retiring before I am 90 so this little fun blog can help me get there! Last season we more than doubled our viewership and I want to do that again this year.

I am so excited for the start of the season I can’t stand it! The Tailgate has laid out a very ambitious schedule for 2012. If all goes as planned, the Tailgate will attend 11 D-1 games at 11 different locations of which 7 will be first time venues for the Tailgate. I will also be traveling back to my Alma Matter for the homecoming game to watch the mighty Bobcats of Frostburg State University. Funny thing is, when I was there I was usually playing Rugby on Saturday and attended less than a handful of games during my decade of matriculation.

Here is the 2012 live Tailgate lineup:

8/30 – SE Missouri State @ Central Michigan University

8/31 – Boise State @ Michigan State

9/8 – Wisconsin at Oregon State

10/6 – Boston College @ Army

10/11 – Arizona State @ Colorado

10/13 – Utah State @ San Jose State

10/20 - Buffalo State @ Frostburg State

10/27 –Mississippi State @ Alabama

11/3 – San Diego State @ Boise State

11/10 – Oregon @ Cal

11/24 – Notre Dame @ USC

12/8 – Army – Navy in Philadelphia

Let me know if any of you will be at these games and stop by and have a cool one Clark!

Gripe of the week: Congratulations to fellow Danvillian (my hometown of Danville) and acquaintance Pac 12 Commissioner Larry Scott on launching the PAC 12 network last week. Larry has been responsible for a number of things since he took over including expanding to 12 teams adding new markets which really changed the makeup of the conference. My gripe is that I live right in the heart of the PAC 12 nation and I can’t get the channel. AT&T is my provider and they have chosen not to carry the PAC 12network. I went through this last year not getting the Mountain West Conference channel missing several Boise games. I watch the Big 12 Network which they carry and it is pretty darn good. I have been in the cable television business for 23 years and even helped launched a new network back in the 90’s as well as a number of new products. I know exactly what AT&T is doing by choosing not to carry the network. They claim they have no channel space (pure BS, I know how their system is architected and they have more room than a Roseanne Barr poodle skirt). And they are probably asking the PAC 12 Network to give them the channel free for the first 5 years or so (not sharing the per channel subscriber revenue that they charge us as customers) and they probably want more of the advertising revenue than they actually need. Anyway, if you are an AT&T U-Verse customer, give Ma Bell a call and let em hear it. Threaten to disconnect and state you are switching to your local cable company or Direct TV! I plan on calling daily and e-mailing. I’ve done this before and it is very effective.
Happy Tailgating!

 

RIP Joe Pa

Bowl Season # 2 Season Finale

Bowl Season 2

Baylor - Washington game – I predicted there would be defensive coordinators looking for a job very shortly after a bowl record on total yards was achieved and second the second most combined points allowed. Once again, Nostrildanus was somewhat correct as Coach Holt from Washington was given the boot in Puget Sound. Notre Dame – Florida State game – Just a bad performance by the Irish and the inept Tommy Reese. We hope the Irish locate a new QB for next season.

On January 2^nd live from Tailgate HQ - Rose Bowl – Was there any defense? Tailgate Tom was in attendance for the second year in a row only to see his mighty Badgers get quacked in the face again. Do these Badgers care? The Honey Badger wouldn’t care. Tom was so mad he has left the State of California for good in search of greener pastures in Iowa? Houston and Keenum make their Case against State Penn. Hopefully Perv Slimedusky does not have TV in his prison cell and did not get to see the beat down. Who cared about the mediocrity Bowl, AKA the Gator Bowl with two teams with 6-6 records? Perhaps Urban Meyer had a rooting interest…or two. Michigan State proved to be the New Year’s day hero for the Big 10 garnering their only victory… wow hopefully Urban and Brady shake things up again and restore things to the natural order of the CFB world again. Donald Rumsfeld & Leon Panetta would have thrown the yellow flag for the lack of defense in the Fiesta and Orange Bowls as well. Maybe congress cut each team’s defense spending prior to the games? When Stanford’s kicker pulled a “Brotzman” three times to allow OK State to secure the victory, we did the Two Step and Cotton Eyed Joe all around the Tailgate HQ. Mrs. Tailgate broke out the mason jars of moonshine and insisted on reveling into the wee hours of the morning! I guess Andrew ran out of luck against the Cow Pokes! Dabo was for once speechless after being climbed all over by a fired up Mountaineer squad in the Orange Bowl. Wow the Orange was squeezed right out of the Tiger’s jerseys. The Tailgate boycotted the Shamgar Bowl so we will not report on it and you should not care either.

In the only game that mattered according to the BCS Mafia…Field goals ruled supreme as Alabama’s defense put the cage around the Tigers and rendered their offense useless. Jordan “movin on up” Jefferson managed to cross the 50 yard line one time all night for the Bayou Bengals doing his best Jamarcus Russell impersonation. Perhaps he “got his drank on” the night before on Bourbon street? Hey Les…Yo Mad hatter…I am talking to you! How did the grass taste in the dome? Not good, “cuz it aint real" just like your offense! And Honey Badger, I knew you didn’t care, but were you hanging with Jamarcuz the night before too? I mean a real Honey badger would have played with reckless abandon like your name sake here:

The Army Navy special on Showtime “Game of Honor” follows the two teams during the 2011 season. It is an insight into academy life for football players. You will have more respect for these outstanding young men. I highly recommend you watch it if you truly love college football.

Next year’s tentative schedule for the Tailgate (does not include impromptu stops):

Labor Day Weekend – Either Boise at Michigan State or Notre Dame at Navy in Dublin, Ireland.

9/15 – Colorado State at San Jose State (Men of Laurelglen annual Tailgate)

9/22 – BYU at Boise – Parents of Boise student’s annual tailgate

9/29 – Ole Miss at Alabama – High School gang tailgate with Alabama Al

10/20 – Frostburg State Homecoming

11/2 – Washington at Cal – (Tailgate with the Kenny Cal Clan)

11/10 – Purdue at Iowa – Reunion with Tailgate Tom Byom in his new domain)

12/10 – Army – Navy in Philadelphia

Heroes & Villains of the year at the Tailgate

Villains:

Gordon Gee (Ohio State Regent)

Pittbull

Nevin Shapiro

Lame Kitten

Mark May

Stankey from the SEC

Slimedusky

Paterno

Craig James

Sugar Bowl Hoolihan

The BCS

Heroes

Coach Bennett Coastal Carolina

Dana Holgreson

Dabo Swinney

Coach BK

The Honey badger

RG III

Russell Wilson

Kellen Moore

D-1 Stadiums that don’t matter (Because they are pro stadiums, domes or nowhere near campus)

Pittsburg

South Florida

Miami

Tulane (Triple whammy)

Temple

San Diego

Syracuse

Idaho

Hawaii

Gripe of the week – The season is over and I have nothing to do for the next 8 months! This is the last blog write up of the year. I want to thank you all for your loyal following of this blog. We had a big increase in page views this year over last year. Keep spreading the word.

Have a great off season and I will talk to you all again in August!

Dan

Bowl Season 1 (Merry Christmas edition)

Maaco Bowl – The Tailgate traveled east to the city that is known for its sins, pleasures and excesses for the Las Vegas Maaco Bowl. This would be the final time that the much heralded senior class of the Boise State Broncos would suit up in the blue. This senior class was responsible for an NCAA record 50 wins over 4 years under the leadership of one of the greatest college QB’s to ever play the game, Kellen Moore. The morons that hold hostage the D1A post season charade relegated this great team to a sub- par bowl against an undisciplined, unmotivated Arizona State team where the inmates are running the asylum. Yes, I hear you doubters now, that Boise doesn’t play in a power conference and things would be different if they did. Perhaps, but every opportunity in the last 5 years they have had against said schools they have taken care of business. This group of seniors has gone 50 -3 over the last 4 years with the 3 losses by a grand total of 5 points. 2 lousy kicks cost this team a shot at a BCS game last year and a possible National Championship shot this year. I won’t be play the role of the blinded BSU apologist since I have only been on their bandwagon since I became a shareholder in the Bronco Nation, but I am calling out an injustice to one of the most entertaining teams we may have ever seen in CFB. The Sugar Bowl this year, are you kidding me!

Now on with the good stuff regarding the mobile Tailgate; I was hosted for 2 days at the home of fellow blogger and colleague “Tony From The Yard” Seber and his soon to be fiancée Joanne. (No pressure bro). In what became the second time the movie You Me and Dupree makes the blog, I played the role of Dupree and was clearly the king of their castle for 2 days. I Even taught the neighborhood kids how to play street hockey. Tony showed his true “Tonyness” by breaking out his man card and teaching me the proper way to wage bets on a football game in Vegas and tailgate sin city style. Tony if you are looking for a Best man you know I have that covered for you. We were joined by several of Tony’s underworld cronies, Richard, Bob and Stasha from Poland who was impressed that I spoke a few choice Russian words (Dasvidanya comrade!) Tailgate Tony grilled up brats, Italian sausages and mammas hamburgers. All meat paired quite nicely with a fine vintage cache of Stella Artois. The tailgate lot outside of Sam Boyd stadium was massive and incredibly easy to get in and out of. I even met the Elvis Twins (See pic).

Coach Pete was heard saying “Clear Eyes, Full Heart….Can’t lose!!” in his pre game speech. And the mighty Blue responded to those words of wisdom with a vengeance. The game was a typical Boise beat down led by a stifling run defense and the arm of Kellen Moore and the legs of Doug Martin. One of the most entertaining parts of the evening was an unnamed person from our crew who did a Whoopie Goldberg and “lets some frogs fly” machine gun style only to be called out by the woman sitting directly behind him with a shrill “YOU FARTED”. The entire section rose and applauded the perp as he gladly acknowledged ownership with a Cheshire cat grin like a proud new father. The Boise faithful were entertained throughout the game with big plays and class sportsmanship by the Blue. Final score BSU – 56 – ASU 24. ASU’s chief moron Vontaze Burfict had his typical game of doing nothing but accumulating a few unsportsmanlike conduct awards. By the way I won a Benjamin on the game so drinks are on me!

This is perhaps the final live tailgate of the year unless I join the San Jose gang for the San Francisco Bowl on New Years Eve. Stay tuned….

Gripe of the week – Coach Poach – each year as soon as the final regular season game is over the coaching carousel begins with a frenzy. In recent years several high profile coaches Rich Rod and Brian Kelly abandoned teams that were headed for BCS bowl games and big payouts. This year coaches such as Kevin Sumlin and Larry Fedora who led teams out of the ashes to record season have left their teams. And lets not overlook Todd “One and Done” Graham leaving yet another program for yet another dream job. Good, I hope you like it at Asylum State U. Todd the Wad! The problem is all these schools feel they will miss out on the recruiting bonanza if they wait. This leaves players feeling like they aren’t good enough, their schools jilted and the fans betrayed. The Tailgate, as you know is not a fan of many regulations, but in this case, would actually applaud a policy that put a moratorium on all coaching changes and recruiting from December 1^st until after the BCS championship game. Violators will get their tattoos taken away from them. This would bring some normalcy to this post season phenomena know as “Coach Poach”.

In other news around the country; Craig James running for Senate has me running away from my Republican affiliation! The only benefit of him running is that we won’t be seeing his pompous smirk on ESPN for awhile. In the Bowls so far, there have been two nail biters with Ohio nipping Wyoming and Louisiana Lafayette edging out over San Diego State. The other 4 games were not as close and just as meaningless since none were a playoff!!!!

This week’s blog is dedicated to Amy’s “Grandmother” who passed away yesterday.

Happy Tailgating and merry Christmas!

Week 15 CFB Seaon wrap up

For the 10^th straight year the Midshipman from Navy took down the Black Knights from Army in the closest game in years. Many of my fellow tailgaters (Carlucci, Capezutto, Manzoni, Hayden, Hampton (see pic above), Oxendine, Wiggins, Brother Brian and Mr. Bob to name a few) were in attendance soaking up all the festivities of the Army navy Tailgate and game. I was flagged for failure to report for duty and will be brought up in front of a tailgate disciplinary panel for my actions. The game was played at FedEx Field outside of DC for the first time ever. The Army faithful were certain that this would be their year to break the streak. It was not to be as Navy was powered by the mighty duo of QB Proctor and RB Alexander (future Navy Seal) Teich. The game was close as Army kept fighting its way back only to be on the short end of a 27-21 final score. The schools as tradition holds, sang each other’s Alma Matter after the game. God bless the seniors as they will go on to play for the same team next summer; The USA Armed Services.

The Tailgate enjoyed another backyard tailgate at DB&G to watch the Army – Navy game. We were honored to have Marine Corps Veteran John Wintersteen attend the Gate representing the Naval Academy interests as I represented for Army. Several other folks stopped in throughout the day as well. After the game, I was so despondent that Army lost for the 10^th straight year that I sought the advice of the great philosopher Toby Keith. All he said was “- “Red solo cup / I fill you up / Let’s have a party / Let’s have a party / I love you red solo cup / I lift you up / Proceed to party / Proceed to party.” So with sound advice I threw a massive rager at the ranch. Here is the video of the bash:

BCS fall out – The train for getting rid of the BCS has left the station. More coaches, AD’s and players have spoken out about it this week of changing the system than ever before. I am adamant that I will not watch the Shamgar Bowl this year and have incited a boycott of this sham of an event pitting the 17^th and 13^th ranked teams against each other. I hope the live and TV attendance fall far short of acceptability for this joke of a bowl. Heck there are 5 non BCS bowls that have more intrigue than this one. I find myself watching the D1 AA playoffs not because I have a dog in the fight or I know the players, I watch because this is what the end of the year should look like. Yes Jim Mora, it is all about PLAYOFFS!

Don’t ever forget to take a knee!

Games of the week as chosen by Dan:

Week Winner Loser

Week 1	TCU	Baylor
Week 2	Michigan	Notre Dame
Week 3	Clemson	Auburn
Week 4	Oklahoma State	Texas A&M
Week 5	BYU	Utah State
Week 6	Nebraska	Ohio State
Week 7	San Jose State	Hawaii
Week 8	Michigan State	Wisconsin
Week 9	Stanford	USC
Week 10	NIU	Toledo
Week 11	TCU	Boise
Week 12	Iowa State	Oklahoma State
Week 13	Texas	Texas A&M
Week 14	WVU	South Florida
Week 15	Army	Navy

Tailgates attended this year:

1. BSU – Toledo

2. MSU – Notre Dame

3. BSU – Fresno

4. Hawaii – SJSU

5. ECU – Navy

6. FSU- Boston College

7. TCU – Boise

8. Navy – SJSU

9. Notre Dame – Stanford

10. Las Vegas Maaco Bowl – Boise v ASU*

Favorite Stadium Results voted on by the readers of this blog:

1. 1.Notre Dame Stadium

2. 2.The Big House (UM), .Owen field (OU)

3. 4.LA Coliseum (USC), 4.Boone Pickens (OSU), 4.Memorial Stadium Nebraska, 4.Rose Bowl

Gripe of the week – The Heisman selection process – first congratulations to RG III as he is not only an exciting player but an amazing young man. That being said, I must point out the hilarity of the Heisman Beauty contest. How can Brandon Weeden go from favorite one week to dropping out of the top 10 the next week? Kellen Moore’s kicker misses a field goal and he drops out of sight. Matt Barkley has 2 of the best receivers in College football this year so he is in the mix or could he be the next Gino Torretta. Andrew Luck does not play last weekend and drops into a distant second place because Baylor beats a poor Texas team. The Honey badger is a great college player, has a cool nickname but is not even the best player at his position on his team. Not sure he would be noticed on say a lesser team. I think the five finalists are outstanding college football players, however there are many more that are just as deserving that weren’t invited to the runway to strut their stuff. Over the last 30 years here are some stats on the Heisman: Since 1981, there have been 4 Heisman trophy winners that never set foot on an NFL Field, Torretta, Crouch, White & Ward. 13 never did or have yet to pan out in the NFL such as Danny Wuerful, Rashan Saalam, Ron Dayne, Desmond Howard, Ty Detmer & Andre Ward. Simply put, the Heisman is a popularity contest. It really has nothing to do with the best player in college football as evidenced by what happens to them next. Take it for what it is, not for what it should be.

There will only be 2 more posts this year. The Tailgate will be attending the Maaco Bowl on 12/22 in Vegas (Boise v ASU). I will post just after Christmas and then again after the BCS Championship!

Happy Tailgating!