Week 15 - It's All Decided Now

 

Boomer Cowboy?

While the Nation’s youth were participating in the moronic fad called the “Knockout game” most of the Country was busy being engrossed with the last weekend of the regular college football season. Additionally, some were still celebrating the non-arraignment of Jameis Interruptus, and others perhaps felt disenfranchised by the Florida legal system once again over the outcome. Die hards down in the SEC were still euphoric or despondent (depending on your team) over last week’s “Kick Nick Kick” game or Daylight Saban’s Time at Jordan Hare. No longer can Nick say “it’s good to be the King!” But nonetheless, we all came together as fans of the greatest spectator sport on earth to enjoy our obsession on this hallowed 56 hour time period.

 

Nick might not walk on water anymore......

 

...but he does look good in burnt orange

The Tailgate viewed the weekend’s action from DFT world headquarters command throne starting Thursday night with AAC action. This would be the first full uninterrupted weekend from the couch. Aside from NIU being exposed as a fraudulent product on Friday night, all the real action was on the revered last day of the regular season: Saturday, December 7, 2013 a day that will live in infamy.

As much of the lower 48 was under extreme cold weather conditions, we experienced our own icy conditions at the Tailgate household. You see we participated in our version of Bedlam for the first time with #2 rooting on her new Sooners and Mrs. T “two stepping” to her Stillwater Cowpokes. It was akin to a legendary fight between Gemma and Tara Teller from The Sons of Anarchy. The smack talk coming out of their mouths was not for the faint of heart.

Before the friction

Tara and Gemma Tailgate. Meowwwwwww!

Anyway, as we all saw, the underdog Sooners pulled off an improbable upset over the favored Cowboys in Stillwater making OSU and Pistol Pete their own Brokeback Cowboys. Bedlam ensued. 

Pistol Pete, I can't quit you!

The OSU loss set up the de facto Big 12 championship between Baylor and Texas later in the Day. Speaking of which, Texas hung tough in the first half but could not keep pace with the high octane Bear offense in the second set. Baylor rules the state of Texas and is coronated with the Big 12 crown.

Auburn and Mizzou matched up in the WAC conference championship where only offense is played. Did I say WAC? The game looked like anything but an SEC title game with the two teams combing for 1200 yards of O and 102 points. Auburn Stud running back Tre Mason accounted for 300 yards rushing alone. In the end the Auburn Ducks were just too much for the Baylor Tigers coming out on top 59 – 42. Did I confuse you? Okay the Tigers beat the Tigers 59 -42. Real cat fight I tell ya. 

Nick finally got to tailgate since he had the day off

The win would possibly put the Auburn Tigers in the National Championship game if only Sparty could pull off an upset of the fighting Urbanas. So, perfect segue to the BIG Ten heavyweight match played at Lucas Field in Indy. Sparty raced out to a 17 -0 lead over a befuddled Buckeye team only to relinquish the lead by giving up 24 straight points. Miller and Hyde (Sounds like a shady law firm) took over offensively for team Brutus finding their groove on the ground. Sparty’s top rated Defense in the Country bucked up and shut down the Buckeyes from that point on. Sparty scored 17 straight points to win by TKO and head for Pasadena for some Roses. The Tailgate will be hosting nephew Nate for the game.

Go Green! Go White!

Out in Tempe, it was “déjà vu all over again” (thanks Yogi), as Stanford led by Tyler Gaffney and their brutal front seven on D stuck a pitch fork in the Solar Satans. Stanford will meet Sparty at the Rose Bowl. I need 2 tickets! Duke playing in their first ACC championship game kept things interesting with the Noles for about 20 minutes. The Nolear Express then took over and scored at will behind the newly exonerated Jameis Winston. Final score FSU 45 -7. FSU will play Auburn (known in the SEC as Barn I am told) on January 6^th in Pasadena for the final BCS crown.

In other action having no bearing on the National Championship, the Rice Owls (another smart school) win the Conference USA championship over Marshall. 50 people braved the ice storm in Dallas to watch SMU lose to UCF. Seriously, there were less than 100 people in the stadium. With that win, UCF gets the automatic bid for that powerhouse conference the AAC to slide into a BCS Bowl. A final reminder why the BCS is finished. 

UCF recieved a chilly reception at SMU

In the last game of the night, the Aggies from Utah State gave Derek Carr and Fresno all they could handle before Fresno secured the W and a berth in the Elvis Bowl. Just think if they had not lost to SJSU last week they would have been headed to the Fiesta bowl. Lionel Richie can be heard singing:

“Everybody sing, everybody dance
Lose yourself in wild romance
We're going to Party, Karamu, Fiesta, forever
Come on and sing along!
We're going to Party, Karamu, Fiesta, forever
Come on and sing along!”

Beiber Award

– Steve Sarkisian is this week’s winner for being the first coach of the year to leave a program for another prior to their Bowl game (it feels good to pick on a SC coach again). I rant on this every year and I refer to it as “Coach Poach”. It is unethical and immoral for a coach to do this to his players after getting them to sacrifice themselves for him all year, yet he leaves before the culminating event. And in Sark’s case, he goes to a hated Conference rival! Sark is a good coach and turned around a disastrous Washington program. He will probably do well in So Cal based on his past experience there. I would not fault him for leaving after the Bowl games are played out but this is another area of College Football that needs cleaning up. Other notable team jumpers in recent history, Brian Kelly, Rich Rodriguez and Dave Doreen, last year’s coach at NIU. Also, our hearts are broken with Coach Pete leaving Boise as step two in the domino effect caused by Sark. Good move for Pete, bad news for Boise.They say the reason they have to go right away is so they can hit the recruiting trail immediately. My solution is simple: No hiring coaches of teams committed to a Bowl from the end of the regular season until one week after the last Bowl game is played. During this time, there will be no recruiting of any kind at all. Violating teams will forfeit the following season! This would provide a real commitment to the kids and end world hunger and stop all wars.

Next week - The Tailgate will venture to the City of Love for the annual Army Navy classic.

BCS Bowl Schedule

Rose	Michigan State	Stanford
Sugar	Alabama	Oklahoma
Fiesta	UCF	Baylor
Orange	Clemson	Ohio State
Championship	Auburn	Florida State

 Happy Tailgating!

Week 14 - Rivalry Week

The crew and a couple of Stanford guests

Tailgate Update – for the seventh time in fourteen years, the Tailgate set up shop in the trees of Palo Alto for the Notre Dame Stanford clash. Cohosting the festivities with myself and Mrs. Tailgate were the Iorio and Nowacek clans. As it has been said “The best laid plans of mice and men go awry”, proved prophetic once again. “Porn Stash” Iorio hooked up his new sling box account and pristine 3500 watt genny so we could watch all the other cfb action on TV during our six hour Tailgate. My IT role was to supply TV, computer, extension cord, cord strip, air card and HDMI cables and adapter. The inner nerd in me gets very excited when given the opportunity to work with different technology. However, on this fateful day the smallest of all components did not work. The perpetrator was a faulty one inch HDMI adapter that fits into my computer. Thus we were forced to watch games off of my laptop. ENF = Epic Nerd Failure!

The two Dans display the ENF

Aside from the ENF, the food was fantastic as Chef Boy R Bald, AKA Rob Nowacek grilled up sausages, Ribs and Tri tips. Deviled eggs, pastas, fruit, beans, veggies and all kinds of deserts accompanied the animal protein. A full bar highlighted by Skull tequila and Trumers Pilsner on tap were consumed by thirsty participants. Mother Nature dialed up some righteous sunshine and warmth for us on this day. We had a crew of 25 gaters in our posse. ND fans all over the Stanford grove were fired up hoping for a late season hurrah. Stanford fans, still somewhat new to this winning thing were cordial and reserved. 

Chef Baldy

Okay, line up tallest to shortest..

Any reason to celebrate

What can you say

Miley Iorio Twerking and making the Stash proud

Not much to say about the game as a Fighting Irish fan. A few words come to mind, uninspiring, lethargic, unenthused, out played, you get the picture. Stanford was on the upper end of a 27 -20 score but it did not feel that close. Stanford moves on to the PAC 12 championship game next Saturday in Tempe while Notre Dame awaits their mediocre bowl invite.

Some people just look good in anything.

Around the country – the real story of the weekend was some of the great rivalry games that provide so much tradition and entertainment to college football. After the turkey OD on Thursday, the Egg Bowl in Stark Vegas was on the big screen. The MSU Bulldogs ended up victorious over their neighbors from Oxford, MS. On Friday in San Jose, the previously unbeaten Fresno State Bulldogs went down in an amazing shootout to the San Jose State Spartans thus crushing their dreams of a BCS bowl invite. SJSU QB David Fales threw for 6 TDs and 547 yards, and losing QB Derrick Carr threw for 6 and 519. The classless Fresno State fans that I encountered earlier this season were apparently back at it all game long according to DFT reporters in attendance. In the Civil War, two teams with the ugliest uniforms squared off in Eugene. With the Beavers in their all orange get ups and the Ducks in their bright yellow knickers and puke green tops, Autzen stadium resembled a bad costume party. My fashionista 11 year old walked in the room, saw the game on TV and stated “Those two teams should never be allowed to play each other”.  Style aside, it was a classic civil war with Oregon State being led by local bay area products, Terron Ward and Tyler Anderson who gave the Ducks all they could handle. The Ducks eked out a 1 point win behind the heroics of Marcus Marriota. In Conference USA action both Marshall and Rice win their games to move on to the league championship game next Saturday.

Tailgate siblings and Nephews rooting on the Thundering Herd

Saturday would provide some of the best action of the season. The Game as it is called between Ohio State and Michigan went down to the wire. Underdog Michigan down 7 with just a few seconds on the clock scored the apparent tying TD. Instead of kicking the extra point to send the game into overtime, Coach Brady Choke decided to go for 2. The conversion failed leaving 110,000 Big House fans dejected. In the Territorial Cup, the Sun Devils dusted the Wildcats in the desert. The win ensures that the Sun Devils will host the PAC 12 championship next Saturday. In the battle of Hollyweird, UCLA owns LA again by thumping the resurgent USC Trojans. Jadeveon scared the pants off Tahj in the Palmetto Bowl helping the Cocks knock off the Tigers. The Governor’s Cup in Florida proved to be a one sided affair with the Noles making Florida nothing more than a gator snack. In the Clean Old Fashioned Hate contest, Georgia pulled off an improbable come from behind win in double overtime besting the nerdier Georgia tech team.

In perhaps the game of the year on the plains of Alabama, Auburn hosted the University of Alabama in the Iron Bowl. Two weeks prior, I attended what was believed to be one of the greatest wins ever at Jordan Hare. Not so fast my friends! This year’s Iron Bowl had high stakes with two time defending National Champion and currently ranked #1 Alabama facing arch rival and #4 ranked Auburn in their annual classic. In a game that had several momentum shifts and plenty of drama, the finish is one that will be on highlight reels for the next 100 years. With Alabama leading 28 – 21 and 32 seconds on the clock, Auburn scored the tying TD. Bama gets the ball back and the clock apparently expired with the ball on Auburn’s 39. Little Nicky argued that there was one second left on the clock. His opinion so valued that the referees granted Bama that 1 second reprieve so they could attempt a 56 yard field goal. The kick is up….its…. its…. its short and lands in the hands of Auburn’s Chris Davis who promptly returned it 100 + yards for the game winning touchdown. Tide Nation Shocked, War Eagle was soaring high. Bear Bryant’s tear drops could be felt coming down from the sky while Shug Jordan’s smile was lighting up rooms across the Plains. It will be very unlikely for Bama to play in the National Championship game at this point. Three of the top five teams would have to lose next weekend. Here is the Video clip of fan reactions.  Notice the Bama fans in the clips, they are not amused.

 

Beiber Award

– This week’s winner is long overdue and has been begging me to make them the award winner for years. It is not one person, it is a collective body of the worst kind of human being: The PC Police. After suffering through the indignity of losing to a team with a freaking Tree as a mascot yesterday, the dye was cast. In 1972 during the comets tail of the oxymoronic “Free Speech” movement, Stanford University caved and changed their name from the Indians (An honor I might add) to the Cardinals (plural). Nine years later, after not wanting to offend beautiful red birds anymore they dropped the S and became the Cardinal honoring that frightful tree. Ooooooooooooh  I bet they all feel so good about themselves that no human or animal is offended. Stanford is not the only school that has succumbed to this movement. Let’s take a look at a few more:

• Miami Redhawks – FKA Redskins 1997
• Utah Utes – FKA Redskins 1972
• Dartmouth Big Green – FKA Indians
• Louisiana Monroe  Warhawks- FKA Indians
• UMASS Minuteman – FKA Redmen 1972
• Arkansas State Red Wolves – FKA Indians

There are too many lower division schools to mention that have fallen into the same trap but let’s just say the list goes on and on. It’s not just the nicknames, Mascots have been retired so as not to offend. A number of American Indian (Notice I did not use the term Native American,  I am a Native American, I was born here, but I just prefer to be called Pale skin or American) Mascots along with Colonel Reb at Ole Miss have all been moth balled. I met Colonel Reb at the Grove, he is a good dude. Poor guy has fallen on hard times. Okay so my point is, we bow to the demands of a very few number of morons who usually are not even part of the so called offended party and we change the names. It is ridiculous. Does it really make someone feel better about themselves when these changes occur?  This used to be the land of the free speech, apparently no more. So with that, you the PC Po Po have made the Tailgate’s naughty list.

Next Week – The Tailgate is undecided but will probably spend Saturday at DB&G or the local Buffalo Wild Wings watching all the conference championships. Here is a list of the matchups next weekend:

ACC	Duke	Florida State
Big Ten	Michigan State	Ohio State
Conference USA	Marshall	Rice
MAC	Bowling Green	Northern Illinois
MWC	Utah State	Fresno State
Pac 12	Arizona State	Stanford
SEC	Missouri	Auburn

Happy Tailgating!