Sunday, December 29, 2013

Bow Season 1 - A Bowling we will go

Tailgate Clause put this in my stocking

All is well in the Tailgate world. A joyous and blessed Christmas was had by all, #2 had successful ACL surgery, Bowl games are well underway and Brian Griffin the Family Guy dog is alive and well again. What more could one ask for?  As is customary in the world of DFT, each December we watch sub division playoff games because we can (note to the D1 FBS politburo: Have a real playoff). Congratulations to Wisconsin Whitewater (Div III) and NW Missouri State (Div II) on their respective championships. In one of the best games of the year, Towson State of Maryland defeated Eastern Washington on the Red Inferno to advance to the FCS (D1AA) Championship game in Frisco, TX. Towson State was one of my big Rugby rivals when I graced the pitch for Frostburg State many moons ago. It is also the Alma doesn’t Matter of Tailgate brother Brian. I am trying to convince him to part ways with a stack of Benjamins under his mattress and splurge and go to the game. Their opponent will be two time defending Champion North Dakota State Bizzzzzon who crushed New Hampshire in the Fargo Dome in their semi.

The red Inferno

In FBS early Bowl action, USC on their third coach of the year delivered a lump of coal to Fresno State for an early Christmas gift in the Elvis Bowl. Just think, as of today the storied USC program is on their 4th Head Coach in three months. Go figure.  In the best Bowl game of the first day of Bowl season, the reclamation project that is the Colorado State Rams snatch victory from the jaws of the Leach in the underwear bowl in New Mexico. The Pirate just gambled one too many times for the Wazoo Nation to accept. On the frozen blue tundra in Boise, SDSU roasts the Bulls from Buffalo in a one sided affair. My adopted Sun Belt Conference team OOLULA or ULL, whichever you prefer, win in the Bayou Bowl over the resurgent Tulane Green Wave. Joe and son Nick Montana had a lot in common in this game as they both sat and watched most of it. Speculation is that son Nick will transfer again because of this injustice to the Montana name,

The Beef O’Brady Empty Bowl played at the Trop, the baseball stadium of the Tampa Bay Rays, saw the ECU Purple Pirates and Muffin Ruffin McNeil eat up the Bobcats of Ohio University.  In Hawaii, the Boise State squad pissed off their fans and leighed a big egg as the Beavers put a dam beating on the Broncs. The BSU QB learned a valuable lesson about when and where to unveil his Wick in the Southerly wind.

View of the Beef O'Brady Bowl
The Pitt Panthers bowled over the Falcons of Bowling Green in the Herman Cain Bowl in Dirtroit. The proceeds from the game were donated to city officials who promptly gave all the money to friends and family and declared they were still bankrupt. Jordan and the NIU Huskies were lynched by the Utah State Mob in the Poinsettia Bowl in San Diego. It is a good thing NIU escaped the embarrassment of making a BCS Bowl for the second straight year.

The Northrop Grumman Military Bowl moved to Annapolis Maryland this year and featured the “We Are” Marshall Thundering Herd snapping up a victory over the Maryland Turtles who they did not fear. Coach Jerry Kill back on the sideline for Minnesota for the first time in months saw his gophers get Caddyshacked by the Syracuse Orangemen (Hey isn’t that politically incorrect). Coach Kill was quoted about the playing conditions of the field turf after the game: This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play four quarters of football on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff. Here, I've got pounds of this.”

Coach Kill sparking up a fattie

The Tailgate wandered across the Bay on 12/27 to the friendly confines of AT&T Park for the No Sponsor Fight Hunger Bowl. So to fight our hunger we pre gamed at Lucky Strike and consumed some of the best pub grub the City by the Bay serves up. We were scratching our heads trying to figure out why the pubs were half empty and then it dawned on us that one of the teams in the game was BYU. Duh!!!!! We were supervised once again by legendary Marine “Boots Wintersteen and accompanied by the Wannstedts and a pack of Wolves. BYU’s opponent on this unseasonably warm night were the Sled Dawgs from the University of Washington. The atmosphere at the Park was the for the most part tame and family friendly. A BYU clan with three wives and one husband in our section were singing that ole Pittsburgh Pirates diddy “We Are Family!” I could almost see Willie Stargell pop his head out of the Visitor’s dugout and wave his cap. 
The Lucky Strike crew
A rare hall pass for these two neutered males

The game itself was well played and close until the 11 minute mark of the 4th when Washington’s All Everything Tight End Austin Sefarian Jenkins caught a pass for a TD and a two score lead. Final score Washington 31 – BYU 16.

Boots and his crew

Play ballllll!

In Yankee stadium, the Fighting Irish over powered new Big Ten entrant Rutgers in the New Era Pinstripe Bowl. A crew of DFT loyalists were there to take in the ball game. Apparently George Atkinson the III was not there for the same. 

Pinstripe Tailgaters
In a battle of truly ugly uniforms, the UNC Tarheels who have a Ram as a mascot (huh?), took down Tommy Tubberville’s Bearcats in the Belk Bowl. Teddy Ballgame Bridgewater may have played his last game as he and the LuhVull Cardinals stormed past the Hurricanes in Orlando 36-9. In the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl, Michigan Coach Brady Hoke ate a record 160 chicken wings in 15 minutes, or at least it looked that way. Jabba the Hoke and the Wolverines layed another egg in going down to the Bill Snyder Wildcats. So it is solved, the chicken does come before the egg.

The Wing King

Beiber Award - We have a tie that goes to two Senior Captains of Bowl bound teams: Boise State QB Joe Southwick and Michigan State Linebacker Max Bulloch. Both were sent home from their respective Bowl trips for violating team rules.  Not only is Mr. Southwick accused of violating team rules, he could face criminal charges for improperly using the Hawaii hotel balcony as a latrine. The neighbors below, enjoying a cup of coffee did not request the added flavor. He is adamant in denying that he was the culprit and more or less fingered his teammate Nick Patti as the Perp. He even had a polygraph administered upon his return to Boise. Here is the video when he was asked if it was him on the balcony:

The other Beebs of the week Mr. Bulloch is yet to come clean with what his infraction is and DFT will not speculate. Okay, we can’t help ourselves so we think it was determined that he is responsible for the Wikileaks, NSA spying, Benghazi, and the Obamacare Website. He is toast.

Next Up – The Tailgate will take in the Rose Parade and the 100th Rose Bowl game on Wednesday with nephew Sparty Nate and other friends and family.

Happy Tailgating!