Sunday, September 30, 2012

Incense and Peppermints

The Tailgate – Joined by, Craig “I am a conflicted Big 10er” Castelein and Dave “Wanstaedt” Quillici and Cal Poly defensive tackle Dru “I have no” Manor meandered through the East Bay Hills and ventured into the Peoples Republic of Bezerkley for a day of trunkgating, bargating and of course the Cal/ Arizona State battle in the renovated Strawberry Canyon. Speaking of Strawberries, as we wandered down Telegraph Avenue, land of the unwashed, tie dyed, rastas and wafting odors and flash point for the radical 60’s anti war movement, that 60’s song by Strawberry Alarm clock was playing in my head:

“Good sense, innocence, cripplin' and kind.

Dead kings, many things I can't define.

Oh Cajun spice, sweats and blushers your mind.

Incense and peppermints, the color of thyme.

Who cares what games we choose?

Little to win, but nothing to lose.”

Very apropos for this day. After an hour of trunkgating, squealing wheels, recycling and jumpstarting a few VW busses in our private lot of Benvenue Avenue, we wandered through Peace Park and Telegraph Avenue to our favorite beer garden and bar. The only problem was, it was no longer there. No, not another change of ownership, the building and the block were gone, demolished, with the exception of a fa├žade that looked like 8 Mile in Dirtroit. I thought I heard the ghost of the renowned Philosopher John Belushi shout ”They took the bar! The whole %$&@ing bar!” So we settled into our new watering hole “Pappys” on Telegraph Avenue in time to watch the game of the year, Baylor v WVU. It was more a case of WVU welcoming the Big 12 to their house than WVU being welcomed to the Big 12. Perhaps the greatest offensive game I have ever witnessed with close to a mile of combined offense and 133 points scored. Geno Smith now takes the lead in the Heisman race and deservedly so. Bloody Marys, Stellas, Ribs and sandwiches were on tap for us.

 We wandered up Bancroft Avenue to the game, scalped 3 tickets for $25 each and sat in what should have been the student section. Only there were not that many students in attendance as they were in their bunkers working on their protest plans for the next Occupy Movement, or Code Pink event. That’s what you get from a Nerd school (I say that with affection)! In fact the stadium was only at about 60% of its capacity. After a year away from the friendly confines of the Canyon, the Bears are back in their redone facilities. I would give the effort a B – as it does not look much different than it did. Don’t get me wrong, it is nice. I was just expecting different. I hear the training section built into the stadium is amazing. I was expecting more based on the amount of time and money spent on it. The product on the field gets a D as they fell to Arizona State 27 -17 in a lackluster performance. IMHO, this is Coach Tedford’s swan song and we may see the likes of Bobby Petrino out here next year. If Tedford changes his QB it may save his job. Maynard G Krebs is not a PAC 12 QB.

We lost track of Dru prior to the game as he did not go into the Canyon with us. In the theme for Hangover 3 after searching high and low, we finally caught up with him as he was spotted becoming one with the vagrants, hippies and flea ridden in Berkeley. Pictures below. He claims something about someone slipping him roofies.

The boyz searching for "Dougie" Dru

We can't make this stuff up!

Dru's new friends in Bezerkeley

Around the country - The UW Huskies fertilized the Stanford Tree Thursday night and lifted their legs in celebration in Seattle. The students rushed the field in the opposite manner of the Packers from the now infamous Monday Night game earlier in the week in the same venue.

The Urban renewal effort continued its impressive revitalization in East Lansing as Ohio State took down Sparty in a brutal defensive battle. My nephew was baffled as to why his poster for College Gameday was confiscated by the sign Nazis. I inquired as to what it said. “Every Spartan Pisses Nails.” Can’t imagine why they did not let that on TV. The other Spartans of San Jose State go to 4-1 with a victory in Annapolis over the deflated Midshipmen. The class of the Big East Cincy knocked out the ACC powerhouse VA Tech Hokies 34-31. The Longhorns roped in the Cowboys in Stillwater as young QB David Ash came of age. In the battle of the old ugly throwback unis, Taylor Martinez and the Huskers squeaked one out in Lincoln over the clawless Badgers. The combination of UGA running backs Todd Gurley and Keith Marshall, affectionately known as “Gurshell” (They still miss him in Athens, don’t they?) had all they could handle with the Vols in a 51 – 44 W. Woof Woof Woof UGA! The Tennessee faithful appeared to be somewhat dismayed.

Ole Miss gave Bama a scare …for about 15 seconds until the NCAA’s only professional team kicked it in gear and rolled Colonel Reb and his squad out of Tuscaloosa.

LSU and Towson? Oh come on Mad Hatter, you can do better for competition. This kind of game is a lose - lose for you. We used to beat Towson in Rugby annually. Big rival of Frostburg State. I once got a concussion playing them and proceeded to man up, play on and then lead the team in song in the post game soiree! (Not that that has a damn thing to do with college football).University of Miami fans, as much as I don’t like the Canes, you need to get out and support your team cuz they have an exciting young QB who just broke some institutional records yesterday (No not the Institution where many of your alum end up). In a monsoon in Hattiesburg, MS in Favre stadium the Louisville Cardinals stormed back to win on a game clinching drive. How about those Beavers from Corvallis? QB Sean Mannion throws for over 400 yards as the Beavs scratched and clawed their way to another win in the desert. Boise offense finally gets on track only to be let down by their defense in New Mexico barely escaping with a win. And the Black Mamba and the Ducks win ugly in Seattle against Wazoo and the gun slinging Leaches. The Purple Cats and the Nittany Cats each tally up W’s in the Big 10 leading up to their Cat fight next week in Happy Valley. Clemson rebounds by taking the BC Eagles down in a spirited battle and UCLA goes to 4-1 over the lowly Buffs in Boulder.

Tradition of the Week - This is a new section dedicated to traditions that the D1 A schools have as part of their gameday football experience. I would like to hear from you all on your favorite traditions and a picture is preferable. First two traditions are from Michigan State and Ohio State. Sparty fans walking by each other on game day are known to do the following: One Sparty fan will see another and yell “Go green” and in response the other fan will yell back “Go White”! The Ohio State faithful will yell out “OH” and the response “IO”! Now let’s hear some from you all.

Gripe of the week – Once someone is part of College Football they are always part of College Football, thus making them liable to be the target of my ire in this section. This week’s ire, errr praise goes to none other than the blog’s all time favorite villain or hero, depending on your view. You see once again Coach Pete “The Cheat” Carroll was up to his old antics. For those of you watching this week’s MNF game between the Seahawks and Packers you know what I mean. We saw ole Robin Hood Hizzzself taketh from those witheth and giveth to those withouteth. The Packer DB in the eyes of 99.99999% of the world clearly intercepted the ball. After a ridiculous call on the field and in the replay booth, the Seahawks were awarded a touchdown they did not earn now dubbed “The Inaccurate Reception. I am not going to berate the refs and the worst call in football history. I want to point out the behavior of Cheaty Boy. He ran around the field celebrating the horrible outcome like his boy actually caught the ball. In his interview he could not hold back his exuberance for the fraud that was committed. He is the Judge Elihu Schmaels of football in that you would not want to play golf with a cheater. He was as believable as Nasty Nancy Pelosi telling us that we must feel good about giving to the less fortunate that did not earn what we worked for (Sorry no politics on this forum, but she is a loony moron regardless). Sorry to my USC fans (He is no longer a Trojan so he is fair game) but he showed his true colors again just like when the rat left the sinking ship down in South Central 3 years ago when they were slapped with probation and fines. What a leader, huh? At least Lane Kiffin would never run out on a team….oops, never mind. Here is a little musical tribute to you cheaty boy put together by the Tailgate Nation:

Miscellaneous - Sorry to hear that the Michigan Notre Dame rivalry has been cancelled after next year. The Tailgate travels to the banks of the Hudson next Saturday to watch the Black Knights of Army take on the Eagles of Boston College. Looking forward to all the traditions at West Point such as the flyover, the Cadets marching in, the pomp and circumstance, the history and of course probably another loss.

Happy Tailgating!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Separation Saturday

The boyz takin in some chow and CFB
Tailgate update – The Tailgate hosted its 3rd annual Notre Dame – Michigan backyard Tailgate. Too many people to name but the picture below will implicate all those accused and in attendance. The menu consisted of Tri Tip, Sis’s beer brats, hot dogs, potato casserole, deviled eggs, salad, wine country appetizers, keg beer, Belgian beer and an assortment of wines. The tailgate games were in full effect as my 9 year old kid won a game of beer pong (water substitute of course!) Frostburg State or Chico could be in her future. Although Notre Dame was the featured matchup, Dan’s Bar and Grill had 3 different games going at any one time. Notre Dame’s defense is the real deal led by my Heisman favorite Manti Te’o. They forced Mr. Shoelaces Robinson into throwing 4 picks and no offensive Touchdowns. And the Wolverines were singing TEEEEEE’O, TEEEEE’O, daylight come and me wanna go home! Now the QB issue is a different story with Touchdown Tommy Rees being activated off the bench to lead the Irish to victory. They wuz a partying in South Bend last night as the Irish walked away with a 13 - 6 victory. Hail Hail for ole Notre Dame….Could Brian Kelly be the man to return the Irish to their former glory a la Rockne, Leahy, Parsegian and Holtz?

All smiles after an Irish win!

Praying to the ND flag!

Snooki and Mike "The Situation" Soprano from Jersey.

The girls getting their game on!
The kids making their papas so proud!

USC giving back to the community. As I stated at the outset of the season, I am not going to pick on USC anymore. As a matter of fact I want to point out positive things that this team accomplishes on and off the field. It was brought to my attention that USC over the last few years has done their part in reducing our burgeoning national debt by returning precious metals and expensive gems to the U.S. government. Pictures below show their philanthropic efforts. Many thanks to the burgundy and gold again!

Pete and Matt giving the Crystal back
Reggi not wanting to let it go

Around the Country -Thursday night’s matchup pitted Boise against BYU. Wow, what an ugly offensive or “O Fence Sive” game, depending on how you look at it. Both defensives were stout with the only score coming from Windsor, Canada’s big #99 “Canadian Bacon” Atkinson on a pick six. Fat guy running alert! Both OC’s and starting QB’s were ineffective. Boise needs to change something and fast. Where have you gone Kellen Moore? The Boise faithful miss you more than you will know. Normally cool Coach Pete went Bobby Knight on the sideline losing his composure just a bit. Boise escapes with a 7-6 win only because BYU went for 2 and did not convert.

Big ole #99 for Boise

The Noles chopped their way to a 12 point victory over Clemson in one of the most ballyhooed and anticipated matchups in recent ACC history. How do I know it was a 12 point win? Because I had $50 small on Clemson +15 and am walking tall today. I will now finally submit and give Florida State credit for being a good team. Welcome back Tomahawk Chop (Obnoxious as it is)!

QB Colin Klein and Coach Snyder continued their miracle run leading K State to a W in Norman against the heavily favored Sooners proving the pundits and prognosticators wrong. It could be a long season for the Sooner Nation and the Brothers Stoops. Hey, B Swizzle in all his minkness is looking for a gig as a consultant…if you so feel the need.

Switzer in all his glory!

Locally, San Jose State goes to 3-1 with a solid victory down at the Murph/Qualcomm/Chargers stadium against San Diego State. Coach Mac is doing great things with the Boyz from Silicon Valley.
Another game NostrilDanus From the Tailgate predicted was a much tighter matchup in Pasadena between UCLA and the Justin Beavers Orange Crush from Corvallis. Oregon State’s front 7 on defense will hit you hard, mean and all day long as they walked out of the Rose Bowl with an upset victory over the previously 19th ranked Bruins. Coach Riley was rumored to have petitioned Commissioner Scott to rename the Rose Bowl the Orange Bowl after that impressive win.

Coach Rich Rod was none to pleased leaving Autzen stadium without scoring a point and giving up 49 to the Quack Attack. The Hokies get back on track with a solid win by gobbling up the boyz from Bowling green. Geno Smith had another big day as the Mountaineers ran past the turtles for a closer win than was predicted. Cal loses again to SC down in the Coliseum. And how about my newly adopted Chippewas from Central Militiagun landing a W against Iowa? LeVeon Bell of Sparty Nation racks up two fiddy plus on EMU. The Hurricanes blew through downtown Atlanta on their way to an improbable comeback victory over the Rambling Wreck from Gawgia Tech! Oh Arkansas, what can I say at this point? You did make the Jersey Shore crew very happy bowing to NJ State. In one of the best games of the weekend, Auburn almost pulled off the unthinkable in Death Valley by narrowly losing 12-10 to the Bengal Tigers of Baton Rouge. The Hat has some serious Tiger grass to chew on after that one. And finally, Colorado lands their first victory over the Cougs and Mike “what was I thinking taking this job” Leach. Long gone are the days of locking up Craig James’ son in the equipment shed and having a smile over it. Man those were the good ole days. It appears that it will be a tough year for our Service Academies as Air Force and Army were defeated yesterday and Navy gets no props for playing a D1 AA team (sorry brother).

Hit of the week – This dude was decleated!

Tailgate recipe of the week – brought to you by Carls’ junior

Gripe of the week – The word "REALLY"? This word is as overused and annoying to me as a CFB announcer saying those 2 hated words “In Space” (Go back 2 -3 years for that rant). It is the most overused colloquialism in the modern English language. Especially when an announcer uses it, I have to take my anger management pills (see pic) to keep from jumping through the TV and pile driving the moron who says it. Examples: “It was 4th and 11 and they decided to run a skinny post instead of a sweep! REALLY? Why would they kick it deep when they should have done an on-side kick, REALLY? REALLY, did he just do that? Okay how about this: I would REALLY like to bury my knuckles in your teeth next time you say that? Really, used to be a good and useful word. But people who are not clever, lack wit and are basically morons revert to that word like others short of websters’ terms who use swear words as filler language. Taken in context with football announcers and post game pundits, it becomes nails on a board to me. Watch my favorite fart in a suit Mark May next week. I guarantee he will use it at some point. Ahhhh it feels good to rip my least favorite ex-hog!
Anger Management

Special thanks to my Nephew Nate for sending me a Sparty t –shirt! Thanks to BC Pops, Tinfoil Hokie and others for inquiring if I would like one of their schools’ shirts. Remember, double XXL and I do look good in all colors.

Tailgating Tubby’s son Nick is a junior at Iowa and gets paid to write a college football article. Here is his most recent:

Please read it cuz hiz daddy needs the coin to pay off his gambling debts. Prayers to John L Smith after a rough week of losing his brother and filing for $25 million bankruptcy.

Next week, The Tailgate will travel through the Caldecott tunnel to Bezerkeley for the CAL- ASU game. We will be Bargating at Manny’s Tap Room or whatever it is now called, on Telegraph avenue from 10 AM on. Come join us if you are in the area.Check out the new Heisman poll and vote on it.

Happy Tailgating!

Sunday, September 16, 2012

When Irish eyes are smiling!

In the prophetic words of the great Herm Edwards “Hello, we play to win the game! That’s the great thing about football”. Herm’s words of wisdom were echoed throughout the hallowed cathedrals of College football on this 3rd weekend of the 2013 college football season.

The Tailgate maintained a low profile at world headquarters for the day, testing out the new wireless cable box to enjoy more games at once. I was joined by college football fanatic “Mountaineer McCool” for the Notre Dame and Stanford games. Tailgate Amy said I finally met my match as she witnessed McCool and me going toe to toe like two heavyweight boxers in a battle of knowledge of football De College! Sister Patsy’s Chinese chicken wings (See recipe on the side bar) and assortment of other healthy snacks such as cheese and chips and dips (pure man cave ensemble) and Fosters, “It’s Australian for beer” in the keg. Too many good games on for me as I will note below.

Around the country - Another kicker, another loss as Cal went down in flames to OH – IO State in Columbus in a game they should have won. What is it with kickers this year? See below for more on the subject :) .In the Randy Edsall Bowl, his old team UConn bested his current team the Terps. The Terrapin faithful feel as though they have an Edsol not an Edsall with the perfect politician hair they so coveted. Hey Maryland, Ralph Friedgen is tanned, rested and ready should you get the urge? 

2012 Edsall Bomb

The 1958 Edsol Bomb!

It was good to see Boise get a win with their new regime led by Danville Boy Joe Southwick. Although it was only Miami of Ohio, the boys on the blue turf made great strides in notching their first win in the post Kellen Moore Era.

The Boise girlz doing their pre game ritual!

Reports of the demise of the Pitt Panther football program were a bit premature as they pulled off a shocker at Ketchup field over VA Tech who are being called the Chokies after their performance in the Steeltown. UCLA goes to 3-0 for the first time since John Wooden led them to his last National Championship. Could they win the battle of LA this year? Why would I think that? Could it be because USC got the snot clobbered out of them on the Farm in Palo Alto? And Barkley’s Heisman chances took a big hit. No, again like I said I will not blatantly pick on USC or SUC this year even if they were ranked # 2 in the country and favored by 9 points and lost to a team that barely beat San Jose State.

As much as the talking heads and empty suits on ESPN wanted the Florida – Tennessee game to be epic in nature, it was not. An average Florida team beat a bad Tennessee team in Rocky Top in a battle for two coaches trying to stay off the unemployment rolls prior to the November election. Alabama proved itself again with an emphatic beat down of the Razorbacks in Fayetteville. Rumor has it that Bobby Petrino was spotted riding his hog with a little piglet on the back heading back to sooooo weeeeeeeeeeee land. Tyler Wilson was none too happy with his team’s effort or lack thereof.

Coach Petrino in action!

The Tailgate just received confirmation that the Colorado Buffaloes have applied for and have been denied for permission to play Division 2 for the rest of the season. Division 2 official have criteria of competiveness that the Buffs do not meet after getting thumped badly by Fresno State. What was I thinking when I laid out my live Tailgate Schedule this year when I chose to attend a Colorado Home game in October? I feel somewhat like Don Knotts in the 60’s classic Como – Horror flick the Ghost and Mr. Chicken where he has to spend the night in a house of horrors to win a bet. Tailgate Tony who will be going to that game with me inquired recently about how we were going to get tickets for that game…and I chuckled. Now the question is, who will pay me to go into that house of horrors to watch such bad product? I am a brave man but will only go so far!

In other action keep your eye on K State as they have one of the most exciting players in CFB in QB Collin Klein. Big game next week against the Sooners. In TCU’s Big 12 debut they served up some horned frog bbq to Coach Charlie Front Butt Weiss and the Jayhawks.

Just wrong in too many ways
Just 2 years removed from a Cam fueled National Championship, the War Eagle faithful at Toomers corner in Auburn, AL are calling for a regime change and ouster of Lane Kiffen’s twin brother Gene Chizick. ULM almost had their 2nd win in a row over an SEC club as War Eagle nearly escaped with a 3 point win in OT. BC traveled to Evanston, IL to take on the Mensas from Northwestern and got schooled on Ryan field in a game where a field goal kicker actually did his job! Army loses a close one to NIU at home 41 -40 and Navy was sunk in Happy Valley as the Kittens get their first victory post Jo Pa. Tailgate Brian allegedly attended this game with a friend. But since he did not send pictures as he claims his camera didn’t work, I don’t believe he really went. Instead he and his imaginary friend were probably holed up in his basement playing John Travolta records and donkey kong. In the Holy War, the Utes defeated the Cougars 3 times as the Student body was penalized twice for Premature Celebration. There are pills for that I am told. San Jose State goes to 2-1 after butting heads with the Rams from CSU and taking them down. Am I forgetting anything?..... Oh yeah in other news Notre Dame put the clamps on Sparty in East Lansing as an emotional Manti Teo led the Irish to their best defensive performance since Rudy Rudiger got his sack back in the day. Nephew Tailgate Nate is still wiping his green tears away after witnessing my payback game.


Gripe of the week – Kickers. Need I say more? Scholarships should be based for these “athletes” on their ability to do their damn jobs! Having witnessed Boise kickers two years in a row demonstrate the ability to not perform their scholarship duties, I am not a newcomer to this discussion. Ficken Kicker last week for PSU, Cal’s kicker this week missing wide by at least 25 yards, several times. Stanford’s kicker almost handing the game to SC.  The BYU kicker, missing twice with 1 second to go. My 3 soccer playing daughters could do as well if not better than some of these toothpicks in shoulder pads. It seems as though the quality of college kickers is going opposite of our national debt, down, down down!

Hit of the week:

The Tailgate will be at world HQ again next week with a backyard tailgate with Notre Dame Fans and posers like me. Shout out to Manti Te’o for his tough week and ability to still step up and lead his team to a big win.

Happy tailgating!

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Week 2 - Cheez whiz is the bomb!

Tailgate update

We got Beaver Fever!
Greetings Tailgaters! So the Tailgate jumped on an early morning flight to Portland to attend a tailgate and game in Corvallis on the campus of Oregon State. We streamed down I-5 from the PDX airport to Corvallis in a caravan that looked like the great exodus only each car either was decked out in Beaver orange and black or Duck green and yellow (Oregon also had a home game Saturday). But before the game, we partook in the traditional ritual called “Tailgating”. I was joined again by veteran Tailgater West Point Wiggins and OSU alum and diehard fan Randy “I bleed orange” Choi. Wiggins being a former Quartermaster Officer was tasked with securing provisions for the gate. Apparently he raided the local commissary the night before and had his rental car stuffed to the gills with enough provisions to feed the freshman dorms in Corvallis. Included in the haul were a grill, table, cooler and an assortment of meats, chips, etc. Well done Captain Wiggins! Beverages were provided by our local chaperone Randy with an assortment of local Oregon brews. We put the grill together in record time, fired it up and charred some burgers and brats; literally I charred some of these meats beyond recognition. Oh yeah, one ingredient we used today that will be a staple in all future tailgates was cheez whiz! We put it on the brats, the burgers, the chips, even mixed it with some of the brew! We are having a yard sale this AM at our hotel parking lot on all the left over goodies. Anyone want a grill?

The Grill Master charring to order!
Cheez Whiz is the healthy alternative to fresh cheese, just ask West Point Wiggins!
Dan inside Beaver "Reser" Stadium at OSU

Tickets were acquired from that same guy who is at every game in every city at every venue, $50 for row 1, 50 yard line. Not bad at all if you don’t mind standing most of the game. But what a perspective you get being at hit level! This was a new chapter in the childhood classic of The Wind and The Willow with Bucky the Badger meeting a new friend, Benny the Beaver. The atmosphere on campus was electric with the fans doing an “Orange Out”. Being a contrarian I wore a black OSU T-shirt. The young OSU defense swarmed all over Heisman candidate Montee Ball and abused the massive O-line of the corn fed Badgers. Coach “Curly Bielema of Wisconsin was heard asking himself “hey Moe, what do we do? Gnuk gnuk gnuk, hey you wise guy! But in this case Moe must have been former Offensive Coordinator Paul Christ who is now coaching the Pitt Panthers and was nowhere to be found. So Curly had no answers to solve the dominant DAM Beaver defense. By the end of the DAM battle, the Beavers chewed up the Badgers and pulled off a major upset besting UW 10-7. Three local De La Salle boys all played key roles for the Beavers including D-line phenom Dylan Wynn. Yes I know, you want to know if we stormed the field with the students.  To find out the answer, see the pictures at the bottom.

Seperated at birth!

Around the country - I will not mention any D-1 schools that played D1AA Schools unless they lost like Colorado & Colorado State did (Rocky Mountain Low)! More on this topic below. Friday night’s battle at Promontory Point for the Romney Cup pitted the Utes (not youth’s Mr. Pesci) against the upstart Aggies from Ute State. As was the case last year, this was another classic Friday night battle ending in OT with the Aggies topping the Utes for the first time in 15 years. Students stormed the field and I would have too if I were there. State Penn’s inexperienced Ficken Kicker missed 4 Ficken field goals as the UVA Cavs swash buckled a win over the kittens and the Kicken Ficken! Coach O’Brien was overheard by a reporter as he stormed off the field “I am going to strangle that Ficken Kicker! It’s better than what their old D coordinator would want to do, right Tickle Monster? Mizzou and Texas A&M were rudely welcomed to the SEC. Nice move Mizzou for mouthing off before the game. How does that “old man football” taste now? In the battle of the Hawkeye State, the Cyclones blew away their better known neighbors from Iowa City. MSU scalped the Chippewas and the question of “Where have you gone Mr. Robinson” was answered with a redemption performance in a Wolverine win over Air Force in the Big House. C Thomas Howell and Patrick Swayze can still be heard yelling “Wolverines” from the mountaintop after the win. Charlie Weiss gets eaten by Rice, huh? Welcome back Coach Front Butt! UCLA and the PAC 12 had a big day overall. Under new Management in the Rose Bowl, this is a different Bruin team. As Carrie Underwood states “ There’s not enough rain in Oklahoma, to wash the sins away” of the Cowpokes performance in Tucson. Is Rich Rod back for real this time? John L Smith, Coach of the Razorbacks filed for bankruptcy this past week. After losing to UL Monroe on Saturday, the University of Arkansas also filed for bankruptcy! That’s for my boy from the Village. In the Brainiac Bowls, Stanford proved more than Lucky in trouncing Duke and the Wildcats from Northwestern out engineered the Commodores from Vandy. They should have a Smart School trophy like the Military Academy’s Commander in Chief trophy. We could call it the Nerdmander and Geek Cup. Washington, at least you could have put up a respectable performance in Baton Rouge. Sark, you ought to be embarrassed. Even the Honey Badger in the stands thought you played like you didn’t care. Bama rolling over Western Kentucky in a tune up for next week’s match up in Fayetteville. And lastly, the shine of the emerald isle was clearly worn off in the Irish’s lackluster performance versus the Purdue Boilermakers. And did we really have to see Tommy Reese again?

Local boy Dylan Wynn firing up the crowd in Corvallis

Ficken Kicker!
 Okay, I need pictures and guest tailgate stories from any of you going to games (especially the next 2 weeks). I need them by 6 PM Pacific on Sunday evenings. Also, for anyone interested, I wear an  XXL T- shirt. Keep those team t shirts coming. I would like to have one from every D-1 school, so your donations are appreciated. Contact me in the comments section below, select e-mail and I will send you my mailing address. It is good luck when I wear these shirts on game day. New shirts only, no used ones please!

Heisman Watch – I may have to rewrite the bulk of the pre season Heisman hopefuls poll with the exception of Matt Barkley who threw six TD’s yesterday against a hapless Orange Defense in leading SC to its second win of the season. Send me your thoughts on who to include.

Gripe of the week – D1 Schools playing D1 AA schools or other lower division schools early season. I understand the economic reasons of doing this. I know some schools were left with few choices after conference realignment left them with voids in the schedule. This is college football’s version of a TARP bailout. I respect all levels of College football, but you play at a different level based on your abilities and potential, not to mention size, speed, facilities, illegal money, etc.. D1 A should always beat D1 AA in theory. Even you diehard fans who may be initially offended by my position have to admit that getting up for these games is as much fun as watching your spouse drain the bank account on Black Friday. Let’s look at Savannah State the last two weeks, losing 84-0 to Ok State and Mother Nature showing mercy on them in Tallahassee by shortening the game at a mere 55 -0 score. Seriously Clarke? You may have earned a nice paycheck for your school, but you probably lost a number of players to injuries, not to mention losing your dignity in the process as well. At a minimum, D1 schools should only play the best sub division programs. So if you were wondering why I didn’t give a shout out to your school this week, now you know.

Prayers go out to the Tulane player who suffered a spinal injury yesterday. Also special prayers to OU faithful fan “Uncle Roy” who is going through some very serious health issues.

The next two weeks the Tailgate will be relegated to Tailgate HQ and will be hosting several backyard Tailgates.

Happy Tailgating!

Clearly another red solo cup monet at the postgame tailgate.
OSU Students storm the field...

...and so does Dan!

Live feed from the field..I did get a little sideways on Staurday.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Two and Half Men and Berta too! Week 1 2012

Barkley in the Middel
Square Freaking!

Spartan Stadium
Nepher Nate at the Tailgate!

The three stooges

It is good that the natural order of things is back where they belong with Saturdays once again having meaning in my myopic existence. The Tailgate went large to start the season with a double header in the Mitten State. Thursday we set up camp in Mt. Pleasant, Michigan for the Central Michigan University Chippewa’s home opener against Southeast Missouri State. I was joined by my siblings Brian and Eileen, both veterans of the Tailgate. CMU is a beautiful campus that afforded us the opportunity to set up shop in the main parking lot 50 steps from the front gate of Kelly Shorts Stadium. We feasted on Sis’s famous beer soaked Wisconsin brats, cheesy potatoes, deviled eggs and Mongo’s baked beans (Think Blazing Saddles) and of course a bevy of Miller 64. We were interviewed by the school newspaper, asked by an Occupy (OWS) protester pollster to stir up the pot with social concerns, and most entertained by the college kids partying in the adjacent lot. Two upper classmen came over to show off their newly acquired business negotiating skills and bartered 2 of their higher octane beers for 2 of Sis’s brats and a deviled egg. Van Wilder, a self proclaimed 6th year junior approached us looking like Moses on his 40th day in the desert complaining of dehydration. When asked why he was dehydrated he admitted that his tailgate had begun when Matt Lauer was hosting some TV Show earlier that day. We hydrated him with some of Bobby Bouche’s pure H2O and sent him back out to finish his decade long college matriculation! But, mostly we watched student after student being harassed by the campus storm troopers or SS or some form of jack booted thugs busting these kids for being minors in possession (MIP). More on this later. The chillin chips took down SEMSU with a convincing second half to put the game away. Nice little stadium that seats about 30+ thousand. It was maybe a third full for the game.

Day 2, the Tailgate traveled sixty miles west to the town of East Lansing to prepare for the much ballyhooed battle between Boise State and Michigan State. We picked up my nephew Nate of State, a Freshman Spartan himself. As the dynamics of our foursome progressed throughout our roof top Tailgate, it became clear that we were the cast of the original Two and Half Men and Berta too! After setting up our gear and firing up the grill and laying everything out, I reached into the cooler for a nice cool one. Only problem is that there were no cool ones to wrap my mitts around. Seems to be that Berta (clearly not to point fingers here) forgot to restock the cooler with the most important Tailgate ingredient of all, 12 ounce silver silos! No worries, Charlie and Jake hiked three miles on foot in the 95 degree heat and returned an hour later with a twelve pack in hand. Game on again! Berta and Alan grilled up some Eagan chicken breasts and cheesy broccoli salad and assortment of other goodies. We invented a new remix dance combining the techniques of the dosey doe and the more modern steps of hip hop, now aptly called Square Freaking (See pics). I will say that all of the MSU tailgaters and fans I met throughout the night were very classy and gracious hosts. The stadium was great for viewing but a bear to find your seats as I misnavigated (I learned that word from the book of Clemens) and hiked up to the top of one side of the stadium only to learn we were on the opposite side of the stadium with no connecting concourse! Although the score of the game ended with MSU besting Boise 17 -13, the game was clearly dominated by MSU statistically. This is a very young and inexperienced Boise team that is a mere shadow of the team they were the last three years. They were led by Danville’s own Joe Southwick who had giant shoes to fill of the now Detroit Lion Kellen Moore. The offense could never really get anything going and failed to score an offensive touchdown for the first time since the American Revolution. Nonetheless, the atmosphere and aura of the night represented all that is good with College Football.

Saturday had me back at Tailgate world headquarters doing the remote control cardio workout. So let’s go around the country and see what happened during the first 5 days of Christmas: Before making it home, I caught most of the Notre Dame Navy game from Dublin, Ireland while I was stranded at O’Hare making my way back home. I proceeded to do an Irish Jig at gate C 12 after each Irish score. After delivering a rousing speech at the Republican National Convention in Tampa midweek, Governor Chris Christie AKA Brady Hoke then led his Michigan Wolverines into Birmingham to take on the defending National Champions. The most anticipated game of the week was over in the first quarter. Simply put, the Tide rolled. They might be better than last year’s team if that’s possible. Jim Mora junior, just like his Dad is not yet ready to talk about playoffs (okay I will refrain from saying it this year) after UCLA ate up Rice in the new Mora era. USC and Matt Barkley surfed all over the Warriors from Hawaii showing the country that they are for real this year. Yes I know you are thinking, why am I not ripping SC like usual and saying something cheap like “ Beating Hawaii is like Germany invading Belgium”. No, I am better than that and will not resort to taking shots at SC this year and the son and his demented Dad who coach them. Cal, not a good way to ring in your new crib getting embarrassed by the Wolf Pack from Nevada. Coach Tedford, my advice to you is you should scout out your seat in the new coliseum for next year’s games. Stanford, have you run out of Luck this year, almost losing to San Jose State at home? Oklahoma, you were almost detained at the Border in El Paso. Stop listening to Stoops’s brother for crying out loud! And what’s up with the OK State Cowboys steamrolling Savannah State like Sherman marching to the sea?

Cat on Cat crimes were out of control this weekend with the Cougs of” Bringem Young & Playem Old” telling the old Pirate Mike Leach to stay on his own ship in the Palouse of Wazoo with his Cougs, and Taj Boyd and the purring Dabos of Clemson clawing it out in the Chick Fil A classic against the felines of Scamnewtonville, AL all for a piece of chicken?. That may have been the best matchup of the weekend. And the biggest cat fight upset of all was the Tyler Tettleton Ohio Bobcats scratching out a win in the not so Happy Valley of the Paternoless Penn State Kitties.

Welcome back to Coach Myers and his urban renewal project in Columbus, OH with a statement win over Miami of Ohio. Taylor Martinez and the Huskers shucked their way to a silky smooth win over the tough Southern Mississippi Fighting Favres. Montee Ball and the Badgers struggled mightily in a win over 1 AA Northern Iowa. The U of Myhammy Hurricanes blew down the birds from BC in a competitive match in Chestnut Hill. The purple people eaters from Northwestern squeezed out a nail biter 42 – 41 against the Orange in the Carrier Dome. In the battle of the great state of Colorado, the Buffs got rammed by Colorado State. And finally, the Monday night match up turned into one of the week’s best games with VT BTing GT in OT!

Heisman Watch – week 1 – front runner performance of the week goes to Matt Barkley, USC. I am pretty sure Matt Barkley is Pete Carroll’s son. We have now located crackle and Pop, if we could only find snap then we would be all set.

Gripe of the week – this one was easy, abuse of power by jack booted thugs AKA Campus Cops. At the CMU tailgate we watched student after student getting busted for being underage and drinking at their rally. These “Wannabe Feds” took great pride in making these well behaved kids miserable even bringing several of them to tears! Clearly these baton wielding bullies were getting back at society for not getting into college in the first place or perhaps they were always on the outside of the social circles and were never invited to these kind of soirees’. They were clearly in control, and dammit they were going to make sure those kids knew it. And to think, those cops are back in their parents basement during the week playing X Box, eating Lucky Charms and experimenting with cannabis.

Miscellaneous – Hey, I need advertisers, let me know if your company or business is interested. I will cut you a real special deal! Special shout out to my buddy G Money, our #1 USC Tailgater fan who’s mother passed away this past week. Prayers are with you Money!

Happy Tailgating!

We are going to Roll the Tide!
Two and Half Men and Berta too!

Red Solo Cup!
MMM! Mongo like beans.