Sunday, August 30, 2015

Week 0,Season's Greetings!

I witnessed the first CFB Action of the season from the comfort of the Tailgate Headquarters captain’s chair. The lone matchup pitted four time defending FCS (D1AA) Champion North Dakota State against fellow FCS powerhouse Montana. The Montana Grizzlies pulled out an epic upset on a last second touchdown to shock the college football world. We may have seen the end of the Bizzzzzzzon dynasty. New Montana Head Coach Bob Stitt was quoted after the game “I wake up every morning and Piss Excellence. I am a big hairy American winning machine. If you ain’t first you’re last!” So clearly he was a wee bit excited. In addition to the FCS classic, there were a slew of marquis HS games providing for a good dry run for the season to come. The Lingerie Bowl also exposed us with an exciting pre-season tune up.
The underdog Griz take down the mighty Bison.

Bieberitis has hit the nation like a zombie outbreak in the past few weeks. First we have an inebriated Sark Belushi at USC riling up the crowd with slurred and choice language. He is now getting a season pass to Betty Ford after it was determined that up/downs weren’t a sufficient punishment. Second, the PC police at ESPN (Extreme Socialist Propaganda Network) suspending Curt Schilling from the LLWS for comparing ISIS to the Nazis. No really, they truly are a wholesome organization with good family values. And lastly, the pansy players at Illinois crying to an equally pansy administration about Coach Beckman being too hard on them. This of course resulted in his untimely firing one week before the season. Dean Wormer at Faber would not have tolerated this atrocity. Honorable mention goes to my neighbor John for electing to go to a movie during the time the first CFB game of the year was on. Full disclosure, this is a person who watches more football than me normally.
Sark in his college daze!

Schilling saying by by to ESPNazis.

Neighbor John at the movies.
America's Dean!

Make sure to download the Periscope App on your phone and follow my live broadcasts from Tailgates and stadiums all season. We did a trial run this weekend and had a lot of fun with it. . My handle is dantailgater. Also be sure to sign up for the Tailgaters Yahoo College Pickem. Do so by Thursday if you are game. See details on the left side bar.

This week:

First action for the Tailgate will be the hallowed confines of Rentschler field in East Hartford for UConn’s home opener against Villanova. This was an audible called at the Line of Scrimmage due to work commitments. Originally the Tailgate was going to commence the season at the Ball State VMI game in Muncie, IN. Friday I will land in Chicago and join up with Tailgate Tubby Devine for the Illini home opener and pre-game bar-gating. I will get four hours of shut eye and awaken on the shores of Lake Michigan for a breakfast Tailgate at Northwestern hosted by the Casteleins and joined by Mrs. Tailgate and friends.

 Happy Tailgating!

Monday, August 17, 2015


It was an off season of intrigue and angst for me as I found new ways to occupy the void in my life that is college football. First, a month of purge followed by 5 months of hiking, biking, walking and Bocce Ball had me wearing skinny jeans again for a while. However, elbow surgery and a passion for grapes brought that nonsense to a screeching halt and I found most of those lost lbs like colorful Easter eggs in green grass. I also took my passion for loud noises up a notch and started competitive shooting (USPA, IDPA and Glock matches) until I hit the DL with said injury above. The objective of the June surgery was to be able to hold a red solo cup by the first weekend of the CFB season. It’s looking pretty good so far. Lastly, I started leasing access to farm land that allowed me to try my hand at raising a few farm animals and having some good country fun. Our chickens are laying eggs and the female goat is expecting kids this fall and be rest assured they will have names associated with CFB. I am looking for suggestions. Enough about me now and on to the season.

                                 How one keeps self busy during the offseason!

 The DFT Board of Directors worked laboriously to put my 2015 schedule together. There were many hard choices to make and several big events did not make the cut. You see, one must balance their passion along with their family life and that is why we chose to take 2 weekends off from attending live games. Heck, Mrs. Tailgate will be attending a road game and 2 home games with her Knight in shining armor to boot. This years’ mix will have a host of new D1A Stadiums, a few repeats, two D1AA games and Homecoming at my D3 Alma Matter Frostburg State University where I was rumored to recruit some of our top football players to join me on the Rugby pitch back in the day. My former Teammate and Fraternity brother Paul Rip Reutershan will be throwing a weekend long tailgate party all over town and campus at the Burg as it is known. There will be numerous epic road trips all anchored by the Alabama at UGA game in October where several of the Dons of Danville, Guido Voso and Alabama Al and self will be renting a condo and taking in the weekend festivities. As a side outing we will be visiting the new CFB HOF in Atlanta and unveiling the DFT brick (Tax deduction) I bought last year.  Former Northwestern Mildcat Mihailo Panovich and family will be hosting us opening weekend in the windy city in the 2015 Nerd Bowl as the Cats will be taking on the Tree from Palo Alto, CA. A double header in the Great Salt Lake State with Tailgate Brian Donnelly in September and of Course Dad’s weekend in Oklahoma with #2 are just some of the highlights.

Proposed 2015 DFT Schedule: First time stadiums in italics

Anchor Games
Nova @ Uconn
Big Ten
Kent State @ Illinois
Big Ten
Stanford @ NW
PAC 12
Utah State at Utah
Boise @BYU
ND Backyard Tailgate
Boise at UVA
App State at ODU
Bama @ UGA
UNA vs UC Davis
Sun Belt
Ark State @ South Alabama
Frostburg State  Homecoming
PAC 12
PAC 12
USC @ Cal
Baylor @ K State
Big 12

Harvard @ Yale
PAC 12
ND @ Stanford

Army Navy

Rose Bowl

Questions for 2015:  Was the four team playoff a success last year and do we need to expand to eight? Who are the Heisman Frontrunners? Will OSU repeat as Natty Champs? Which conference is the best top to bottom? Which team will surge to the top in criminal activity replacing Floriduh State? Who will be our Bieber favorites this semester?  Will ESPN miss that sack of stale air Mark May? Will Gameday be the same without Fowler? Where will Gameday show up this season? How much weight will I gain from imbibing liquid concoctions and chowing down on carcinogen laden meat products during my season long journey? Much to ponder for you all.

Offseason Bieber - More candidates, knuckleheads, knaves and thieves to choose from than ever before. I am thinking there needs to be a mandatory IQ test for all incoming CFB players that stipulates they must achieve a second digit in their score before they can play. Otherwise, they will bring shame, humiliation and outright Stainhood upon their university. However, even with all these transgressions to choose from, one stands above it all and that was the shutting down and subsequent reinstatement of the University of Alabama Birmingham football program. On the surface it looked like just a poor decision by a bow tied wiener of a school provost that claimed the school was losing money. Simply put, they weren’t. The crack DFT investigative team came up with the greatest conspiracy theory since Area 51 discovered Sam Cassell. It turns out that Birmingham is too close to Tuscaloosa and resides in the largest fan base city in all of Alabama.  So the squeeze was put on and people were paid off in the middle of the night through drop boxes and info was passed by suspicious characters named Deep Throat and Mr. X. Bribes were exchanged and blackmail was implemented. Out of nowhere a presser was called and the program was shut down. But as the DFT reporters slowly unveiled the truth and were about to expose those involved in this perpetration, President Frank Underwood interceded and announced the program would be reinstated in two years. Okay, so my theory is only partly accurate but it sure makes a better story than the crap you all read in the paper or on Bleacher report. Nonetheless, the UAB Administration wins the initial Biebes honors for 2015. I wonder if Tracy Lawrence had this Charlie Foxtrot in mind when he wrote “Paint Me a Birmingham?

A few new and some old things this season: I acquired a Go Pro and will be filming at the Tailgate throughout the season. I also have a Periscope account and will do live broadcasts. Periscope is a free smart phone APP so I encourage you all to download and follow “dantailgater” throughout the season. I will fire up my Twitter handle dantailgater as we approach the season. It lies dormant in the off season cuz I just don’t really care about your inane thoughts, not so clever hashtags, and unoriginal Memes that don’t pertain to CFB. Additionally, I have a batch of new long sleeve DFT T shirts on sale for $10 plus S&H. Shoot me an e mail or leave a message in the comment section if you want one. You can pay with Paypal on the button in the upper right if you have an account. Also, we have the second DFT banner to be sent to anyone attending ESPN College Gameday. Your picture is guaranteed to make the blog as we did this all last year. Just let me know and we will get it to you with forwarding instructions when you are done. Last, please sign up to play in my (Tailgaters) annual Yahoo Pickem whereby Yahoo assigns a number of games each week and you predict who will win. Very easy and mega fun. Points accrue through the season and the winner gets a DFT T Shirt, 2nd & 3rd place get a nice DFT pen. Last place gets a signed picture form Justin Bieber. Here is the link: Group ID #2907 and password dan. No money involved.

The first D1AA game of the year pits 4 time defending Champ North Dakota State against the University of Montana on August 29th.  The first D1A action kicks off on Thursday September 4th. ARE YOU READY F0R SOME TAILGATING?????????

A little diddy from Thin Lizzy to get you primed for the season:

Happy Tailgating!