Saturday, December 24, 2011

Bowl Season 1 (Merry Christmas edition)

Maaco Bowl – The Tailgate traveled east to the city that is known for its sins, pleasures and excesses for the Las Vegas Maaco Bowl. This would be the final time that the much heralded senior class of the Boise State Broncos would suit up in the blue. This senior class was responsible for an NCAA record 50 wins over 4 years under the leadership of one of the greatest college QB’s to ever play the game, Kellen Moore. The morons that hold hostage the D1A post season charade relegated this great team to a sub- par bowl against an undisciplined, unmotivated Arizona State team where the inmates are running the asylum. Yes, I hear you doubters now, that Boise doesn’t play in a power conference and things would be different if they did. Perhaps, but every opportunity in the last 5 years they have had against said schools they have taken care of business. This group of seniors has gone 50 -3 over the last 4 years with the 3 losses by a grand total of 5 points. 2 lousy kicks cost this team a shot at a BCS game last year and a possible National Championship shot this year. I won’t be play the role of the blinded BSU apologist since I have only been on their bandwagon since I became a shareholder in the Bronco Nation, but I am calling out an injustice to one of the most entertaining teams we may have ever seen in CFB. The Sugar Bowl this year, are you kidding me!

Now on with the good stuff regarding the mobile Tailgate; I was hosted for 2 days at the home of fellow blogger and colleague “Tony From The Yard” Seber and his soon to be fiancĂ©e Joanne. (No pressure bro). In what became the second time the movie You Me and Dupree makes the blog, I played the role of Dupree and was clearly the king of their castle for 2 days. I Even taught the neighborhood kids how to play street hockey. Tony showed his true “Tonyness” by breaking out his man card and teaching me the proper way to wage bets on a football game in Vegas and tailgate sin city style. Tony if you are looking for a Best man you know I have that covered for you. We were joined by several of Tony’s underworld cronies, Richard, Bob and Stasha from Poland who was impressed that I spoke a few choice Russian words (Dasvidanya comrade!) Tailgate Tony grilled up brats, Italian sausages and mammas hamburgers. All meat paired quite nicely with a fine vintage cache of Stella Artois. The tailgate lot outside of Sam Boyd stadium was massive and incredibly easy to get in and out of. I even met the Elvis Twins (See pic).

Coach Pete was heard saying “Clear Eyes, Full Heart….Can’t lose!!” in his pre game speech. And the mighty Blue responded to those words of wisdom with a vengeance. The game was a typical Boise beat down led by a stifling run defense and the arm of Kellen Moore and the legs of Doug Martin. One of the most entertaining parts of the evening was an unnamed person from our crew who did a Whoopie Goldberg and “lets some frogs fly” machine gun style only to be called out by the woman sitting directly behind him with a shrill “YOU FARTED”. The entire section rose and applauded the perp as he gladly acknowledged ownership with a Cheshire cat grin like a proud new father. The Boise faithful were entertained throughout the game with big plays and class sportsmanship by the Blue. Final score BSU – 56 – ASU 24. ASU’s chief moron Vontaze Burfict had his typical game of doing nothing but accumulating a few unsportsmanlike conduct awards. By the way I won a Benjamin on the game so drinks are on me!

This is perhaps the final live tailgate of the year unless I join the San Jose gang for the San Francisco Bowl on New Years Eve. Stay tuned….

Gripe of the week – Coach Poach – each year as soon as the final regular season game is over the coaching carousel begins with a frenzy. In recent years several high profile coaches Rich Rod and Brian Kelly abandoned teams that were headed for BCS bowl games and big payouts. This year coaches such as Kevin Sumlin and Larry Fedora who led teams out of the ashes to record season have left their teams. And lets not overlook Todd “One and Done” Graham leaving yet another program for yet another dream job. Good, I hope you like it at Asylum State U. Todd the Wad! The problem is all these schools feel they will miss out on the recruiting bonanza if they wait. This leaves players feeling like they aren’t good enough, their schools jilted and the fans betrayed. The Tailgate, as you know is not a fan of many regulations, but in this case, would actually applaud a policy that put a moratorium on all coaching changes and recruiting from December 1st until after the BCS championship game. Violators will get their tattoos taken away from them. This would bring some normalcy to this post season phenomena know as “Coach Poach”.

In other news around the country; Craig James running for Senate has me running away from my Republican affiliation! The only benefit of him running is that we won’t be seeing his pompous smirk on ESPN for awhile. In the Bowls so far, there have been two nail biters with Ohio nipping Wyoming and Louisiana Lafayette edging out over San Diego State. The other 4 games were not as close and just as meaningless since none were a playoff!!!!

This week’s blog is dedicated to Amy’s “Grandmother” who passed away yesterday.

Happy Tailgating and merry Christmas!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Week 15 CFB Seaon wrap up

For the 10th straight year the Midshipman from Navy took down the Black Knights from Army in the closest game in years. Many of my fellow tailgaters (Carlucci, Capezutto, Manzoni, Hayden, Hampton (see pic above), Oxendine, Wiggins, Brother Brian and Mr. Bob to name a few) were in attendance soaking up all the festivities of the Army navy Tailgate and game. I was flagged for failure to report for duty and will be brought up in front of a tailgate disciplinary panel for my actions. The game was played at FedEx Field outside of DC for the first time ever. The Army faithful were certain that this would be their year to break the streak. It was not to be as Navy was powered by the mighty duo of QB Proctor and RB Alexander (future Navy Seal) Teich. The game was close as Army kept fighting its way back only to be on the short end of a 27-21 final score. The schools as tradition holds, sang each other’s Alma Matter after the game. God bless the seniors as they will go on to play for the same team next summer; The USA Armed Services.

The Tailgate enjoyed another backyard tailgate at DB&G to watch the Army – Navy game. We were honored to have Marine Corps Veteran John Wintersteen attend the Gate representing the Naval Academy interests as I represented for Army. Several other folks stopped in throughout the day as well. After the game, I was so despondent that Army lost for the 10th straight year that I sought the advice of the great philosopher Toby Keith. All he said was “- “Red solo cup / I fill you up / Let’s have a party / Let’s have a party / I love you red solo cup / I lift you up / Proceed to party / Proceed to party.” So with sound advice I threw a massive rager at the ranch. Here is the video of the bash:

BCS fall out – The train for getting rid of the BCS has left the station. More coaches, AD’s and players have spoken out about it this week of changing the system than ever before. I am adamant that I will not watch the Shamgar Bowl this year and have incited a boycott of this sham of an event pitting the 17th and 13th ranked teams against each other. I hope the live and TV attendance fall far short of acceptability for this joke of a bowl. Heck there are 5 non BCS bowls that have more intrigue than this one. I find myself watching the D1 AA playoffs not because I have a dog in the fight or I know the players, I watch because this is what the end of the year should look like. Yes Jim Mora, it is all about PLAYOFFS!

Don’t ever forget to take a knee!

Games of the week as chosen by Dan:

Week Winner Loser

Week 1



Week 2


Notre Dame

Week 3



Week 4

Oklahoma State

Texas A&M

Week 5


Utah State

Week 6


Ohio State

Week 7

San Jose State


Week 8

Michigan State


Week 9



Week 10



Week 11



Week 12

Iowa State

Oklahoma State

Week 13


Texas A&M

Week 14


South Florida

Week 15



Tailgates attended this year:

1. BSU – Toledo

2. MSU – Notre Dame

3. BSU – Fresno

4. Hawaii – SJSU

5. ECU – Navy

6. FSU- Boston College

7. TCU – Boise

8. Navy – SJSU

9. Notre Dame – Stanford

10. Las Vegas Maaco Bowl – Boise v ASU*

Favorite Stadium Results voted on by the readers of this blog:

1. 1.Notre Dame Stadium

2. 2.The Big House (UM), .Owen field (OU)

3. 4.LA Coliseum (USC), 4.Boone Pickens (OSU), 4.Memorial Stadium Nebraska, 4.Rose Bowl

Gripe of the week – The Heisman selection process – first congratulations to RG III as he is not only an exciting player but an amazing young man. That being said, I must point out the hilarity of the Heisman Beauty contest. How can Brandon Weeden go from favorite one week to dropping out of the top 10 the next week? Kellen Moore’s kicker misses a field goal and he drops out of sight. Matt Barkley has 2 of the best receivers in College football this year so he is in the mix or could he be the next Gino Torretta. Andrew Luck does not play last weekend and drops into a distant second place because Baylor beats a poor Texas team. The Honey badger is a great college player, has a cool nickname but is not even the best player at his position on his team. Not sure he would be noticed on say a lesser team. I think the five finalists are outstanding college football players, however there are many more that are just as deserving that weren’t invited to the runway to strut their stuff. Over the last 30 years here are some stats on the Heisman: Since 1981, there have been 4 Heisman trophy winners that never set foot on an NFL Field, Torretta, Crouch, White & Ward. 13 never did or have yet to pan out in the NFL such as Danny Wuerful, Rashan Saalam, Ron Dayne, Desmond Howard, Ty Detmer & Andre Ward. Simply put, the Heisman is a popularity contest. It really has nothing to do with the best player in college football as evidenced by what happens to them next. Take it for what it is, not for what it should be.

There will only be 2 more posts this year. The Tailgate will be attending the Maaco Bowl on 12/22 in Vegas (Boise v ASU). I will post just after Christmas and then again after the BCS Championship!

Happy Tailgating!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Week 14 CFB 2011 (We need playoffs!)

Okay, clearly you expect me to rant about the sham that is the BCS. So I will, is that crap for real? Seriously # 17 Va Tech vs. #13 Michigan in the Sugar Bowl. Oh this will be exciting. What crack pipe are you "Ass Douches" smoking from? (to steal a phrase from Adam Corolla this week).Oh Mark May and Craig James can now smile with their little elitist chesire cat grins and be satisfied that no Non AQ teams made a BCS Bowl. Are you telling me that Boise, TCU and Southern Miss could not beat half of these teams? Okay I will calm down...honey, pour me a scotch stat!!

Here is what the idiot CEO of the Sugar Bowl said and this is the perfect reason why the BCS is broke: "

“Obviously, it was a difficult decision,” said Paul Hoolahan, chief executive officer of the Sugar Bowl. “We thought every team we had an opportunity to select presented us with certain unique credentials. In the final analysis, we just felt the two teams we have chosen really give us in the long run the best opportunity to put together a matchup that will provide a very exciting football game.”

Hoolahan said Virginia Tech’s proven history of bringing fans to New Orleans was “extremely important,” trumping their dismal showing Saturday night and not-so-stellar fan support while playing in the Orange Bowl three of the last four years.

“I think Virginia Tech has proven over the years the caliber of football team they are,” Hoolahan said. “I think they will perform extremely well.”

Hoolihan, you just made my list son, and it is not a good list!

The Coaching Carousel of D1 A CFB is in full swing: UCLA, ASU, UoA, WSU, KU, T A&M, PSU, OSU, Ole Miss, UAB, UM, FIU, UNC, UI, CSU, Tulane, UNM, FSU. All have started filling their vacancies or putting up help wanted ads. Personally I am throwing my name in for the Ole Miss job as I hear the Tailgating in Oxford is the best in the country and the scenery is second to none. I am just throwing that out there!

Around the country - Dana Holgreson’s Mountaineer Combovers eeked one out in an exciting finish to capture a share of the coveted “Big Least” conference championship. It looks like you will be eating some Oranges in January my Skullet laden friend. My buddy Mountaineer McCool will be heading to South Beach with his Davey Crockett cap adorned.

Incredible MAC conference title game Friday night, NIU comes from 20 down in the 2nd half to win on a FG as the clock expires over Ohio! The MAC conference has provided some of the most exciting finishes of the year.

PAC 12 “Sham-Peon-Ship “ between Oregon and UCLA– the O/U was 61…can u say fix? A total of 80!!!! Although the Bruins played hard and did not roll over and by virtue letting little Ricky go out with dignity.

Houston we have a problem. Commander Keenum has been grounded on all fronts! Southern Miss with a serious upset in Robertson Stadium in Houston against the #6 team in the country in the Conference USA Championship. This loss cost Houston $11 large and the conference even more, not to mention Keenum's case for the Heisman. Not a good time to choke, the Tailgate knows all about that topic watching Boise kickers the last 2 years. Speaking of which, the Surgeon known as Kellen Moore led the mighty Blue to another easy win over New Mexico and taking a seat 5 minutes into the third. Kellen and all the other Seniors at Boise, it has been a pleasure watching you all for 4 years. You will be missed. Coach Pete, please stay, life is easier in Idaho than it is elsewhere. And it makes me want to puke that you did not get a better bowl for the 2nd straight year.

LSU did its part to get back to the “Game of The Century II. The Honey Badger and company were fierce in their defensive efforts against the puppies from Athens on this day. In this case, the bark was much bigger than the bite.

Inaugural Big 10 Championship – The tables were turned this time as Sparty loses a close one to Russell Wilson and the Badgers in another epic matchup. What was that dude thinking running into the kicker when Sparty was about to get the ball back with 2 ½ minutes left? Obviously not a physics major as the law of motion was violated on that play.

The de-facto Big 12 Ship - in Stillwater, OK Bedlam turned out to be Bedtime for Bobbo, the most decorated of the Stoops boyz. My in- laws, whose extended brood is a family divided; Half OU – Half OSU, will not be on speaking terms until the natural order of things are restored and OU wins next year. The fans stormed the Field in T Boone and carried the party down to Eskimo Joes until late into the night. There are many in Stillwater that believe they should play LSU in the BCS title game and there is a good argument there based on strength of schedule. Can coach Gundy smile now that we have established that he is 40, a man, and now Big 12 Champion? Pick on him, he can take it. Let’s celebrate with coach Gundy and the Pokes:

Dabo is “frickin” the man again as Clemson put a licking on the Va Tech Chokies. And do you really think the chokies deserve the Sugar Bowl? Another reason to hate the Stains that run that bowl. Just listen to what Dabo Sez:

Heisman Poll results on the blog: here is how you tailgaters voted on the Heisman Poll:

1st – Andrew Luck

2nd – Kellen Moore

3rd -Matt Barkley

4th - Trent Richardson

5th - Brandon Weeden

The Tailgate was camped out at world HQ for most of the day with one road trip to my neighbor Tailgate Tim Wegner’s house to watch the Boise game and establish my own personal OWS movement (Occupy Wegner’s Couch). I demanded cold beer, fried chicken and that he give me his Direct TV subscription with the Mountain West Conference network for free…it’s just not fair that he has so much..sob sob, sniffle sniffle. He is part of the elite 1% that owns Direct TV and has the MWC Network and I don’t!!! I want legislation…wahhhhh. See pic above of my evil hippy twin. “Party on Wayne”.

On top of that the Big Games at DFTTG HQ were Bedlam, Big 10 & ACC Ships. We feasted on the first catch of the year of Pacific Dungeness crabs for the in home Tailgate.

Gripe of The week (Aside from the BCS Shamopoly) – New Uniforms – Why do so many teams in CFB feel they need to have new unis? Some of these teams have a different one every game. More often than not you can’t tell who a team is when you tune to a game and they have some non- descript uni on that looks nothing like their traditional one. Where is the tradition? What is up with Gray this year? No less than10 teams have sported a nasty gray uni that looks like an ugly horse hide. Also Black unis seem to be in as well. Do they think the uniform will change their abilities? Let’s ask Maryland? Get real, you are what you are, keep your traditional school colors and uniforms and represent! This uniform infatuation is getting a bit too Metro for me!

Next week is the final game of the regular season with the historic Army – Navy matchup. Be sure to tune in and support our future soldiers and sailors and Marines!

Happy Tailgating!